Lithuanian funiculars

Funiculars are strange contraptions. They are usually constructed to take people either up or down a mountainside, and since most people are capable of walking up that same mountainside themselves their fares are usually low. Since there are few high mountains in Lithuania, and citizens generally are opposed to paying for anything at all, it is quite a phenomenon that there are at least three working funiculars in the country.

 

Žaliakalnis funicular in Kaunas,
which can elevate you all the way to the Church of Resurrection

In comparison, Norway as far as I know has only one funicular.  Despite the fact that most of the country consists of hills and mountains and that people there willingly pay for unnecessary services all the time. Norwegians however love their national treasure of a funicular, and are consequently drawn to funiculars whenever they encounter them abroad.

 

A short funicular is probably a good place to practice for people who are afraid of elevators.
You are on the ground all the time, and it is obvious that you won`t die even if the cable breaks.

Coming from a country where many outdoors people only count mountains with summits over 2000 meters as real mountains, and where even running for the bus can mean elevating oneself more than 50 meters further above sea level, it seems somewhat strange that Lithuania would need funiculars at all. Perhaps it is a way of getting around the EU-regulations requiring easy access for disabled people to all public buildings, including tourist sites.

 

A birds eye view of the Žaliakalnis funicular. Taken from the roof of the Church of Resurrection, where they also charge you for using the lift. It seems that charging for elevation is quite common on this hill.

That would explain why there is a funicular going up the rather modest hill to the Gediminas Tower in Vilnius, where by the way I think I got ripped off for the first time in Lithuania. We had arrived at the foot of the hill rather late, and so we asked the clerk in the funicular whether the tower was still open. He pretended not to know, and suggested that we “go up and see”. We did so, and after exiting, we saw that the man almost immediately closed down the funicular and went home. It was his last trip of the day, and the museum had of course long since closed. I hope he later became deeply religious, and that our encounter deeply torments him to this day.

What’s with Lithuanians and that orange airplane?

t seems that everywhere you go in Lithuania you run in to replicas of a small single engine aircraft, painted brightly orange. There is replica hanging from the ceiling at the Vilnius airport, a smaller model stands in the middle of Kaunas, the remains of original plane is on display at the national war museum, and it can even be found on one of the bank notes. It is clearly an important national symbol, but what`s the big deal?




A scale model of Lituanica in Vilnius Airport

Well, to put it short two Lithuanian aviators used this plane to fly across the Atlantic ocean in 1933. This resulted in them being among the first to do so, and as I understand, also the first Lithuanians ever to conduct a transatlantic flight. That in itself is perhaps not really an achievement worthy of commemoration almost 100 years later, since there for instance are very few monuments in honor of for instance the fist Hungarian or first Scotsman that did the same.

 

An even smaller scale model of Lituanica in Kaunas

The pilots, Steponas Darius and Stasys Girėnas, did however make the strategically smart move of naming their airplane Lituanica. This was well received in the then rather nationalistic Lithuanian republic. They further proceeded to crash and die after crossing the Atlantic, while on their way to Lithuania.  
 

The two aviators on the (soon to be obsolete) 10 Litas bill

The investigation that followed the crash concluded that the cause of the tragedy was mechanical problems in combination with difficult weather conditions. Even though this investigation was conducted by Lithuanian officials, I have (typically enough) yet to meet a single Lithuanian who believes this explanation. They all say: “They were shot down by the Germans”. And when I say “But there were no bullet holes in wrecked parts”, they always answer “Aaah, but the Germans did not give back all the parts”.  

Regardless of what really happened, it seems these two have a rather undisputed status as heroes. Perhaps because they died before they could do or say anything that could cast shadows over their heroic reputation. Heroes are useful in any society, and they are always less problematic if they are dead. And if Lithuanians should want to honour more of their aviators, they might consider remembering this man.

Vytautas the Great War Museum, Kaunas

Since I am a historian specializing in wartime history, I of course instinctively like such museums even before I go through the front door. Visiting them is a bit like having your favorite student sit for an oral exam – I interpret everything to their favor.



Soldier preparing a ceremony outside Vytautas the Great war Museum

I even liked the smell in this museum. In my mind, museums should have that very characteristic smell of old stuff. Like the smell of your grandfathers old boxes from the attic, where he kept his war medals and high school diplomas. This museum has that particular smell, along with a hint of “odeur de machine oil”. Just enough to bring back memories of similar museums I have visited previously.

 

The tomb of the unknown soldier, in fron of the war museum

 

 

I would spend money on a guided tour in such places, since that is the best way to make the exhibitions come to life. Don`t be afraid to give the guide some hints as to what information you are most interested in, like for instance weapons, uniforms or special parts of history. If they are any good they know a whole lot more than what they usually convey during the standard tour.
 

It is tempting to call this one «my little tank», but I fear it is merely a piece of mechanized artillery.

People interested in artifacts will have a good time, since the museum has many such on display. Those expecting dazzling multimedia experiences will probably be disappointed. As far as I can remember there was no restaurant and if in fact there was a restaurant and I am unable to remember it, that does not really speak in its favor. All war museums should have good restaurants or cafes, since real enthusiasts should find entertainment there to last at least the whole day. The restaurant then becomes vital for keeping the rest of the family from staging a mutiny while the father (or mother) of the house is busy taking in the finer points of the many exhibitions.

 Rating: Recommended

 

Top 5 shopping malls in Kaunas

#1 Akropolis

Location is quite often a deciding factor when it comes to shopping malls, and this one has by far the best location for tourists. Located within walking distance of most hotels in the city centre, and equipped with a large parking area that rarely gets crowded. In addition to the standard selection of shops, it also has a large number of restaurants, cinema, bowling alley and ice skating rink. And it has a great location.

 

None of the shops are particularly exciting, but they do cover the needs of most people. With a couple of exceptions. Currently it is for instance without an electronics store, and as far as I know it has never had any hardware stores. In my mind this is kind of an outrage, but then again...did I mention that it has great location?

#2 Urmas

Here you can get everything from a tombstone to cotton candy. This is the place to go if you want something out of the ordinary. Something that you can`t also find in any given shopping mall anywhere in Europe (because lets face it – they mostly sell the same crap everywhere). Also, this is a place that is not commonly visited by tourists.

There are even specialized shops for such things as treecakes, wallpaper, fur clothes, bathroom tiles etc. This variation gives a much more rewarding shopping experience than a visit to your average shopping centre. Particularly if combined with a good meal at the many small restaurants, og from one of the market-like shops that sell fresh produce. The only problem is that the place can be a bit hard to find for tourists, since it is located a bit on outskirts of the city. One should also make sure not to go too late in the day, since many of the smaller shops close rather early in the evening.

#3 Mega

This mall has two things that the winner lack; Senukai and Rimi hypermarket. Two stores that may not be of importance to the average tourist, but should anyway be visited by every traveler aspiring to be a more advanced shopper, since they offer a number or products not available in other shops. Like for instance shady Lego imitations, inexpensive Lithuanian plumbing parts or rare Georgian brandies.

 

  

Mega also boasts a shark tank stretching over several stories, and a plaster monument to its eccentric founder integrated into the ceiling. Those things, and the fact that the whole place is designed as something of an indoor shopping street, makes shopping here a pleasant experience.

Oh, and there is also a rather annoying train for children.

#4 Prisma

This is rather a new shopping mall, but still I have visited the place several times. None of them were however memorable. As far as I recall there were some shops that sold some stuff, but nothing that made an impression. Not even a bad one.

 

 

And a place that leaves no impression can hardly expect a good rating. I do vaguely recall there being a drug store, but then again those can for some reason be found all over Lithuania.

#5 Molas

Aside from the ridiculous name, which I only can assume is a poor attempt to Lithuanize the American term “mall”, the biggest problem this shopping center has is its lack of main attractions. It has nothing you can`t find anywhere else. None of the shops are the biggest of their kind, and none of them are specialized shops that other shopping centers do not have.

Everything here can be purchased elsewhere and probably also closer to where you are staying. There is nothing wrong with the shops or restaurants, it`s just that there is no reason to go there if you have other and more attractive options. Shoppers here are probably mostly locals. Tourists are few and far between. For good reasons.

Frank Zappa monument, Vilnius

Who would have expected to find Frank Zappas head on a stick in the middle of Vilnius? This phenomenon begs an explanation. The official version is allegedly something like this:

“When Lithuanians declared independence, Zappa jokingly volunteered to write them a new national anthem. A Lithuanian radio personality got involved in this, but he later died in a helicopter accident. Zappa himself also died shortly after, and somehow the whole thing resulted in this statue. Which is allegedly the only Zappa statue in the world.”

Or so I am told, anyway.





The statue itself is quite nice, and an inexpensive site to visit.



Small nations always find it flattering when international celebrities take an interest in them, and there is also a parallel here to the irrational need of such nations to produce things that are “the only one of its kind in the world”. Manifested in for instance Norways “Worlds biggest cheese slicer” or “Worlds biggest kicksled”. In the Frank Zappa monument these two factors come together perfectly.

 

Some appropriate street art on a wall across the street

 

There is just one problem…it is not the only Zappa monument in the world…there is now also one in Germany. So here Lithuanians should act fast – find a mid-range celebrity that likes Lithuania and give him a statue! On that note…wasn`t Steven Tyler recently in town?

 

 

Amberton Hotel, Klaipeda

A beautiful and stylish hotel, but other than that this place has very little going for it. In all fairness I did only spend a single night in the hotel, but on the other hand I did get to acquaint myself with no less than three rooms. This was due to the fact that the drains were clogged in the first two rooms I was given. On his third attempt, the desk clerk finally managed to find me a room with a functioning bathroom. This bathroom did however for some reason have a window connecting the bedroom and bathroom, which was kind of a cool interior detail but also slightly inappropriate.

 

The standard of the hotel was high, but then again so was the price. At such rates, one should expect to find some service included, and when a guest comes to the reception with shampoo in his hair asking to change rooms for the second time because of clogged drains – the clerk should wipe the “why-are-you-making-a-fuzz-about-this-trifle-look” off his face. Such attitudes are acceptable in hotels charging 100 Litas pr. night, but not in hotels with western prices. The food and rooms were ok, but the service was lousy. For some reason the staff seemed to view visitors as more of a disturbing element.

Rated: Rip off!

 

I should have squatted on this nearby boat instead.
At least the the drains would not have been a problem.

 

Vilnius TV-tower

A good thing about TV-towers is that they are usually easy to find, and the Vilnius TV-tower with its 326 meters is no exception in that respect. There are many such towers in Europe, and aside from the view they rarely have much to offer. This one however earned its place in history during the dramatic events of January 1991, when 14 people were killed during the uprising against the communist rule. Many journalists were present, and images from the events outside the TV-tower were broadcasted worldwide. 




The place to go for coffee.
Unless someone is getting married there, of course.

 

Although not seemingly as well maintained or modernized as for instance its German counterpart, this colossal monument over soviet production is still quite impressive. It was one of the first attractions on my to-do list when I first visited the country in 2007. Back then I was not even allowed into the building, because some rich bastards were holding their wedding in the restaurant. The “TV-tower authorities”, or whatever they are called, of course saw no need to announce this. It also proved impossible to bribe ones way in, since the strict young lady guarding the entrance proved unpersuadable by even the most generous amounts. The wedding party probably had deeper pockets than me.




Not being among the more anonymous of buildings,
most TV-towers are easy to find.

 I did however return the following year, and to my luck no wealthy people were getting married on that particular day. The view from the rotating restaurant proved to be spectacular, but as a former farm worker I could not help to notice that the sound coming from the rotating mechanism was all too familiar. I can say with a great degree of certainty that the mechanism bears quite a bit of resemblance to some mechanisms used for handling manure. What Norwegians would call “Møkatrekk”. I do not remember hearing any such sounds when I visited the TV tower in Berlin.  

The towers comparatively more luxurious counterpart in Berlin

On the other hand, I very much enjoyed how the elevator lady made us wait a bit before opening the elevator door on the top floor. This was apparently necessary so that the 165 meter of cable could stabilize, but even when she finally opened the door the threshold was still bobbing up and down quite a bit. So much so that it even reminded me of boarding passenger boats in rough seas. Such things add to the experience, and it gives you a good reminder that 165 meters as rather a long fall. If you are at all in need of such a reminder, that is.  

Rated: Must see, if in the area

 

 

View from the Vilnius TV-tower