Naujatriobiai under attack!

Most people living in rural areas will probably agree that life there is more quiet and predictable than in urban areas. As a life-long villager, I at least hold this perception. And in such societies there are usually strong forces that strive towards maintaining the status quo. As a consequence of this, new and unusual things are commonly met with skepticism. Everything out of the ordinary is instinctively perceived as a potential threat. And the more out of the ordinary it is, the more likely it is to be seen as dangerous. And one can hardly think of a more threatening object to introduce into the Lithuanian countryside than the Google maps car.




The Google maps car. So scary that I did not dare to photograph it myself.
 The Picture is from www-plasticmobile.com

In June 2012 this abomination of a privacy-violating car attacked the small Lithuanian village of Naujatriobiai. Google probably thought they could descend on this small community as a thief in the night, and totally unchecked aim their prying cameras into everyone’s kiemas, but they were wrong.



The seemingly defenseless village of Naujatriobiai

People in rural areas, perhaps because of their close relationship to nature, often feel that some disturbance is about to take place even before it happens. That is perhaps the reason why Googles visit to Naujatriobiai took place under close surveillance. The citizens were ready!
 


The citizens of Naujatriobiai had sent their best man.
He intercepted the Google car on the border - where the ashphalt meets the gravel.

 
Just before reaching the village limits, where the gravel ends and the fun begins, the Google car is intercepted by a lone biker. Probably a member of the local self-defense unit who felt that something was wrong. He immediately intercepts the car and escorts it through the village, only to make a dramatic pose at the village limits as the car leaves his territory.
  




The lone rider is seen here as he is about to overtake the car.
Probably in order to display superior force.

As a result of the efficiently organized defense of the settlement, Google was not able to obtain many revealing images from Naujatriobiai. No one was seen committing crimes, hanging their unmentionables out to dry, spending the day in their hammock despite having called in sick, or committing adultery. In fact, the most shocking discovery was most likely this poorly secured well, which according to EU-regulations probably is bad enough:   






The embarrasing well, With what imaginative viewers might interpret as a bullethole. 

The other villagers of course stayed indoors during the skirmish, but some adventurous children naturally enough snuck out to see the dramatic event. We can only assume that they were properly reprimanded by the lone rider afterwards.




The adventureous children. Keeping what they think is a safe distance.

The chase ends at the village limits, where the lone rider makes an aggressive U-turn while watching the intruder leave his territory. It is over. Yet another threat is avenged, and life can once again return to normal. His job here is done!

The lone rider sends Google maps on their way. His jurisdiction ends here.
Whatever they will do in Padauguva is someone else's problem.



Before leaving the lone rider of Naujatriobiai, we should take a moment to study his very authentic battle suit. Notice how the helmet has been substituted for freedom of sight, how protective clothing had to give way for freedom of movement, and last but not least – how slippers are preferred before other types of footwear.  I have yet to figure out why Lithuanian hooligans prefer slippers to hard boots, since this choice leave them both vulnerable and without an important kicking tool, but I guess we all have our vanities.




The lone rider of Naujatriobiai

So you are hereby warned! Should you venture in the direction of Naujatriobiai, prepare to meet the lone rider. He should appear somewhere around the village limits, and the bread and salt you better bring yourself. Just in case.



Also notice how they manage to spell the name of the village in two different ways.
One end of the village spells it Naujatriobiai, the other end spells it Naujatrobiai.




A final Picture of the lone rider of Naujatriobiai.
Most people wasted their chances when Google Maps visitet, but this man nailed it!

10 things you must do while in Lithuania

I should perhaps point out that by “must,” I mean that I highly recommend them. There are no angry people standing by at the airport to make sure that you actually complete the list before leaving the country. It is quite possible to visit Lithuania without doing any of these things, and most visitors will not have the time to do half of them. I do however hope that some might find the list inspirational.






The Palanga pier. The place to be in summer for successful people.

#1 Eat cepelinai in one of the restaurants in Basanavičiaus street in Palanga

...drive a brand new BMW to the end of the pier and have a swim in the Baltic sea. Make sure you successfully bribe any police officers that try to disturb you. Then go back to the restaurant, pay the band to play only your requests all night and keep drinking Lithuanian vodka until you can safely pass out in your bed at one of the luxury hotels. Still wearing your expensive tracksuit, with the zipper casually pulled down to expose your golden chain dandling elegantly above your black tank top, and your plastic slippers. You can the later wake up knowing that you have just lived the Lithuanian dream – at least the male version of it.




Vilnius TV-Tower. It is quite tall enough for most people.

#2: Take the elevator up to the top of the Vilnius TV-tower

...wait for an agonizing 30 seconds until the elevator has stopped bobbing up and down, and enter the rotating restaurant. Have a cup of coffee and some cake while you enjoy the undisputed best view of the city, and send give some thought to the workers who, according to legend, had to be issued special rations of vodka to be able to do construction work at such altitudes.




A budget hotel room. A stay in one of these during winter can lead to many fruitful reflections. 

#3: Freeze your ass off in a budget hotel

...with most of the lights off, while drinking Lithuanian vodka and flicking through the Lithuanian and Russian TV channels. All while hoping that tomorrows hot shower will hold a temperature of at least 25 degrees and reminding yourself that you can afford to stay at decent hotels if you want to.



The swans of Trakai. Ready to trade attention for breadcrumbs on short notice

#4: Paddle around the Trakai castle

Bring some bags of breadcrumbs to make friends with the swans, and you will have a majestic escort for the entire voyage. Trakai is one of the most popular tourist sites in Lithuania, so it is quite likely that that you have friends or colleagues that have been there. But only you swam with the swans. (the Lithuanian word for swimming is the same as the ones used to describe how a boat moves through water, so yes – you really did “swim” with the swans).




A typical soviet dinner plate - as it is recreated at Grutas Park

#5: Go to Grutas Park

...and see some of the old communist statues that used to adorn Lithuanian cities, and get a visual impression of what life was like during the communist years. All while educational music or propaganda is being shouted at you from speakers mounted on (rather poorly) reconstructed guard towers. At Grutas Park, you even have a chance to address the local soviet in the reconstructed assembly hall, complete with speakers stand, voting booth and everything. Afterwards, you can enjoy a nice communist dinner at the local diner. My personal favorite.



Parts of it might look a bit like the basement of your crazy uncle, but this place was actually capable of destroying four major cities

#6: Go stand in the place of evil

Visit the Plokstine missile base and stand in the actual place where the missile aimed at one of Europe’s largest cities were once ready to launch. See the primitive guiding systems, and contemplate how easy it in fact can be to kill lots of innocent people with relatively simple means. Any well reflected human being should leave this place with a reduced interest in war history.




What does Baltimore and Vilnius have in common? Well, at least they have Frank Zappa.

  

#7: Have a cigarette while leaning against the monument in over Frank Zappa,

and meditate on how millions of smart people smoke every day despite being well aware that it will eventually kill them. Like it perhaps also killed Zappa, whose head (not the actual one) now rests on top of a cigarette-shaped stainless steel post in Vilnius. For a long time the only Zappa monument in the world, until someone ruined everything by making a second one.

Hill of crosses. Unfortunately, I can`t find my own pictures from when I visited, so I had to resort to wikipedia.

#8: Visit the hill of crosses

Yes, everyone goes, and yes, it is just a pile of crosses in the middle of nowhere, but have you ever considered how odd this place really is? A bunch of people simply decided to start putting similarly looking objects in the same place, and after some time it really took off. Makes you wonder if there could ever be such a thing as “the hill of old cell phones” or “hill of abandoned sofas”.  After all, Oslo already has its “hill of redundant baby pacifiers”. 










Thomas Mann’s summerhouse. Where he hardly spent any time at all

#9: Go to Neringa and have a picnic outside Thomas Mann’s summerhouse

Eat some locally smoked (and globally endangered) eel, drink some kvass and contemplate the complexity of life. Like for instance, how ironic it is that this Nobel laureate was denied access to his summerhouse by both Hitler and Stalin, although at different times and for different reasons. All while you thoughtfully gaze at the muddy waters of the Curonian lagoon.




Lithuanian bread served in a creative way

#10: Have some bread

Lithuanian bread is reputed to be the best in the world, at least in Lithuania, and there is quite a bit of truth to this. The very filling, dark rye bread is rich in flavor, and can be enjoyed in various ways. Either traditionally (along with a little Lašinukas and some onion), creatively (you can for instance have soup served in it), or irresponsibly (fried in plenty of oil, and served with melted cheese). The latter variant is sometimes also known as Lithuanian nachos.

Lašinukas. Goes well with bread



Lithuanian nachos

Recommended related post: Suggested program for a one weekvisit to Lithuania

Top ten signs that you are becoming a Lithuanian

Visitors staying for longer periods of time in Lithuania can be vulnerable to cultural influence, and this process can even go unnoticed if you are unaware of its symptoms. According to the collective wisdom of the Internet, and my own experiences, the top ten signs that you are turning Lithuanian are:




It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. A concept perhaps lost on most people,
but for many Lithuanians it makes perfect sense 

#1: You somehow manage to view Lithuania as both the best place on the face of the earth, and the worst place on the face of the earth – simultaneously. This is a clear sign that your mind is turning Lithuanian, particularly if you are able to argue the case of both claims at the same time.

Your typical neighborhood shop. For some reason it look better from a distance.
When considered from half a continent away, it can even seem glorious.

#2: You have developed a strange and irrational passion for basketball, and feel compelled to stay indoors whenever there is an important basketball match on TV. Even if you are not watching it, it seems unnecessary to make this fact obvious by leaving the house.

A satellite receiver with its own message to send.

#3: You have constructed a greenhouse and small vegetable garden in the back yard, and hold a holy conviction that they are yielding some of the finest produce the world has ever seen.

A typical Lithuanian greenhouse. Home of superior produce -
regardless of soil, water quality, and similar trifles

#4: You consider using seatbelts in a car a sign of weakness, and the fact that this is mandatory even for passengers in the back seats in many countries as a violation of human rights.

Real men drive real cars, and can take care of themselves in case there is an accident.
So where is the Logics in fining them for not acting like sissies and wearing seatbelts?

#5: You have a sneaking suspicion that “Do not enter” signs are aimed at you specifically, and therefore are reasons in themselves to enter and see what all the fuzz is about.

When Lithuanians see a "do not enter" sign, they of course have to see what is so important that it deserves a sign.
 Hence the path.

6#: You follow the prices of petrol closer than stockbrokers follow the stock markets, and always know where to fill up the tank without being ripped off.

Driving is fun. The sneaking suspicion that you may have slightly overpaied for fuel is not fun.

#7: For some reason, you are always running out of garlic. Despite the fact that you buy some every time you go shopping.



Garlic. One of natures' many reminders that minor things can make a big difference.

#8: During winter, you sometimes consider opening a window in order to raise the temperature in the room.

According to among others Marilyn Monroe, "Some like it hot". Lithuanians on the other hand do not. A reasonable explanation to this can be found in the Lithuanian energy prices.

#9: You are more afraid of crossing the street at a zebra crossing, than anywhere else

A Lithuanian pedestrian crossing. Where your own sense of safety quickly can become your worst enemy.

#10: When a stranger smiles at you in the street, you immediately know that something is wrong.



A good-hearted Lithuanian woman greeting visitors with a traditional friendly face.

If you already have developed several of these symptoms, it might be time to go back home for some time and rest. But I must warn that once you develop symptom #1, or what in many ways can be said to be the final stages, the condition might well be irreversible.

That thing in the horizon is mainland Lithuania. If you stay there for too long, nothing will ever be the same.

Many emigrants suffer from this condition. Having first left Lithuania because they felt it was the worst place in the world, they later develop a perception while in exile that it is also the best place in the world. Only to later return to Lithuania and once again announce that it is the worst place in the world, even though they came back because it is ACTUALLY the best place in the world. These two competing perceptions seem to be able to coexist without any problems, regardless of where the individual chooses to live.

Kaunas

In many ways, this is the Lithuanian heartlands. People from Šiauliai or Panevėžys would probably disagree, since they are reputed to view themselves as more Lithuanian than most other Lithuanians, but Kaunas is still the center of the traditional Lithuanian nation. Manifested for instance by the fact that the city was used as a an improvised capital when the actual capital Vilnius, situated in a more marginal area largely populated by poles, was lost for a period of time in the turbulent years between the two world wars. In those days, Lithuanians retreated to what in many ways can be called the Lithuanian Alamo – Kaunas. Many of the more majestic buildings in the city were erected during its years as capital.

  



Kaunas old town during the Christmas holiday

 

 

 

As is so often the case, nobody knows for sure how old the city is. Local legends claim it to be almost 2000 years old, and somehow connected to Romans in exile, while others claim it was founded around 1030. In other words a difference in time of almost 1000 years. The roman connection seems a little far-fetched to me, so I am more inclined to believe the 1030-ish story. This at least, more or less, coincides with the introduction of Christianity in Scandinavia and the end of the Viking invasions, and similar reasons as to why a city would be founded it this particular place at that particular time. Kaunas would have been easy to reach with Viking vessels from the Curonian lagoon, going up the Nemunas river.




The Nemunas river. Despite being a shallow river, it would still have allowed Vikings to Reach Kaunas. Had it been there at the time

The possibility of navigating up this river is also illustrated by the fact that the Hanseatic League stretched as far as Kaunas, which in turn is the most likely explanation to why the city has a medieval sailing ship in its coat of arms. This was actually the only Lithuanian city they bothered to establish a permanent office in during their reign as merchant kings in northern Europe, so Kaunas must have been either very significant, or the other Lithuanian cities were very insignificant at the time.



After visiting the old town, you can walk back along the riverbank. Ending up in the shopping mall Akropolis, from which the picture is taken

Visitors should spend at least a couple of days in Kaunas. Walk the streets, visit the museums and shops, and have some good food in the better (but not too flashy) restaurants. A good walking route is starting at the church commonly called Soboras, walking along the avenue until you reach the old town, then going through the park, and heading back along the banks of the Nemunas. Ending up in the Akropolis mall. This will give you a diverse insight into parts of Lithuanian society.



The backside of the Kaunas old town. Some might actually prefer it to the front.

What you want to see in Kaunas depends on who you are. If you are Japanese, you would want to see the house of Sugihara, if you are French you would probably want to visit Napoleons hill. Nerds like the museum of telecommunications, and teenagers want to go shopping. If I were to suggest a place to visit for everyone, it would have to be the old town. As a part of an extensive walk around the city center. 

 



A part of the old town. Most people agree that it`s nice

Where you want to stay also depends on who you are and what preferences you have. If you are rather spoiled and inclined to complain about such everyday trifles the occasional absence of hot water, the lack of TV-channels in understandable languages or an unreliable internet connection, you should choose one of the more exclusive hotels. They keep to western standards, but you should also be prepared to pay western prices. Personally, I would go for one of the traditional or smaller hotels. The standard is quite acceptable for most people, and the money you will save will give you much more joy if spent for instance in the many restaurants in Kaunas.




You will most likely run into this man during your visit to Kaunas. Please give him something more original to hold on to than an empty paper cup

Recommended related post: Palanga

Top 5 Lithuanian celebrities that are only popular in Lithuania

There are celebrities and there are celebrities. When visiting other countries, locals sometimes expect you to know some national celebrities that are totally unknown outside their own country. This is also the case in Lithuania, and the five local boys most commonly mistaken for international celebrities are:





A Zemaitis guitar. Far more recognizable than its creator

#1 Tony Zemaitis

A very gifted guitar maker of Lithuanian descent. Many people will be familiar with his iconic guitars, but very few will recognize his name. Yet fewer are able to do so when it is pronounced in Lithuanian. Guitar enthusiasts are most likely to have heard about this man, but there are not really all that many of those. It just seems so, because many of them are fuzzy people.



Mamontovas. For some reason without Zemaitis guitar

 #2 Andrius Mamontovas

Successful Lithuanian musician. Allegedly some kind of Lithuanian counterpart to Bryan Adams, who in his more mature years has started giving concerts in some of the countries that his fans have emigrated to, like Norway. A recent example from Bergen illustrates why this has not necessarily made him a global celebrity; only one Norwegian showed up – the rest of the audience were Lithuanians. Mamontovas has sometimes also been involved in Eurovision, but that just goes to show that appearances on Eurovision does not really equal international fame.



Maironis. Priest with enough spare time to become national bard

#3 Jonas Mačiulis

Commonly called Maironis. A long since diseased priest and poet, mostly known for his nationalistic (in a good sense) poems. He has a museum devoted to him in Kaunas, which many visitors leave without a proper understanding of who this man really was. Largely because the exhibitions are based on the assumption that most visitors possess such knowledge, which the average Lithuanian does, but the average tourist don`t. So some googling is in order if you are planning a visit to that particular place.



Žemaitė. Staring at you in accusation, as you you remove the1 Litas note from your wallet 

 

#4 Julija Beniuševičiūtė-Žymantienė

Commonly known as Žemaitė. A well-known female author, who has made it as far as to the (now long gone) 1 Litas note, and an appearance on Google Doodle on the 4^th of June 2014. Not bad for a woman that has been dead for almost 100 years, but on the other hand – 100 years without publishing a single bestseller doesn`t really help the international fame of an author that had only a limited amount of such to begin with.



Tony G. Either at a poker tournament, or during a slow day at the European parliament

#5 Tony G

Chances are that you have actually heard about Tony G, but most likely you will discover that the Tony G you know is a totally different one. Tony G himself will probably confirm that such confusion is a rather common side effect of having an inconspicuous first name and a one-letter surname. In any case, the Lithuanian Tony G is an internationally recognized poker player and even a member of the European parliament.

So here you have them. If you can quietly nod your head in recognition when some of these names are mentioned, you will gain favor with many a bewildered Lithuanian patriot.

Recommended related post:  5 most famous Lithuanians

All pictures and peculiar facts are from www.wikipedia.org

5 most famous people of Lithuanian descent

Although few people can name many Lithuanian celebrities, as established by my previous post, there are some individuals of Lithuanian descent that are rather famous internationally. For some reason this heritage does not seem to be something they emphasize too much, but that doesn`t stop me from outing them as being only a couple of steps away from their native kaimas:





Bob Dylan. A well-known wearer of peculiar hats

#1: Bob Dylan

World famous for singing strange songs in odd, but yet fascinating ways. Not so famous for being a descendant of Lithuanian Jews. He is also an accomplished painter and poet, and is thereby a modern day match for the Lithuanian national hero Mikalojus Konstantinas Čiurlionis, if not for the fact that he has failed to die young. Although he seems to have tried very hard to do so.

Sean Penn. Doesn`t sound very Lithuanian

#2: Sean Penn

Actor from the US. Most famous for being Madonna’s “love of her life”, despite of being charged with abuse during their marriage. Less famous for being of Lithuanian descent on his father’s side. In recent years, he has involved himself much in political activity. After starring in the movie “Milk”, he for instance came out in support for same-sex marriages, Despite of this, I have yet to see him at the rather odd gay parade that takes place in Vilnius every three years.  








Charles Bronson during one of his more civilized appearances

#3: Charles Bronson

The tough guy from the early 80s in Hollywood, with productions like “Death Wish” and “The Dirty Dozen” under his belt. His father was Lithuanian and mother was half Lithuanian. In spite of this, it is not uncommon for people to believe him to be Asian. Perhaps because of his apparent love for sunbathing, and his modest capacity for growing facial hair.



Anthony Kiedis. Also during one of his more civilized appearances

#4: Anthony Kiedis

Red Hot Chilli Peppers vocalist. I could very much picture him driving around Lithuania in a BMW, eating cepelinai, shaking his fist at pedestrians and scaring old people. But then again, his Lithuanian ancestry is from his father’s side, so a bit of exaggerated masculinity is to be expected. Although responsible for some of the best music in the world, he is also a former drug user. Like most on this list. For some reason, none of the people on my previous list – the one about Lithuanian national celebrities – were drug users. Some sociologist will hopefully some day give me the answer to why this anomaly exists.

  

Brian Epstein. A prime example of how drugs can kill you, even if you support them very much

#5: Brian Epstein

Beatles manager. Another descendant of Lithuanian Jews. Although largely responsible for one of the largest success stories within popular music, he was also a well-known homosexual and drug user. Ironically, after allegedly being introduced to drugs by #1 on this list, contemporary singer Bob Dylan. So if Dylan ever gets a Lithuanian commemorative museum, Epstein should at least be awarded a corner of it. A flawed one, where the vititors impressions can end almost before they begin. 







First runner up: Leonard Cohen. Famous for singing about serious matters in a deep voice and speaking in zen riddles when not singing. Norwegians love him, by the way.

Recommended related post: Top 5 Lithuanian celebrities that are only popular in Lithuania 

All pictures and weird facts are of course from www.wikipedia.org