Was Christopher Columbus Lithuanian? Seven reason why he COULD have been!

According to Portuguese historian Manuel Rosa, the man we know as Christopher Columbus was in fact none other than the firstborn son of Grand Duke Jogaila and his fourth wife Sofija Alšėniškė. A man who mysteriously disappeared after the Battle of Varna in 1444. Or something like that. For the long and detailed explanation see http://www.draugas.org/news/was-columbus-a-lithuanian-prince/ 

The Grand Duke of Lithuania, later also king of Poland,

and now - even alleged father of Christopher Columbus

Initially, it seemed to me as far-fetched as those theories about how the pyramids were left by aliens, or that Atlantis was an advanced post-industrial civilisation. Just about as close to fake historical news as you can get. But on the other hand – there are people out there who claim this to be true. And after all, his surname does end with "-us".  So I gave this some serious thought – did this nation of ambitious emigrants really foster the greatest emigrant of the all? Was Columbus as Lithuanian as fried black bread with cheese? Here are seven reasons why I think this myth is at least plausible:

1. Columbus had a quick and easy solution to a complicated problem

How to reach India in a quicker and less expensive way had puzzled Europeans for centuries, but he was convinced he had the answer. By boat, of course! The only drawback was that it was a bit risky. Another textbook Lithuanian approach. Even the somewhat mythical (and much later) story about the Columbus egg supports this character trait – a strong ability to not only think outside the box, but to completely disregard the box all together.

Perhaps the best proof of them all: When Columbus discovered the West Indies,

he was wearing flip-flops - the national shoe of Lithuania

2. Columbus had great ambitions, but no money

A typical Lithuanian dilemma, which Columbus solved in the traditional fashion – he borrowed as much as possible from somebody else, and gave little thought to the possibilities of failure. His expedition was in its entirety funded by Spanish Crown, and if it had ended in complete failure…well, the king and queen would not have been very happy. Then again, there are Lithuanian solutions to such problems as well.

Columbus seen borrowing Money -

in the manner viewed as most appropriate at the time

3. Columbus deliberately obscured his background

People can have individual reasons for doing this. I guess if you are a foreigner in strange lands it can sometimes make sense to do so. Lithuanian emigrants are anyway known to do this. He was never seen writing in the language he claimed as his native language. His CV in terms of sailing was suspicious to say the least. He only learned Latin late in life, and it has to date been impossible to find a contemporary picture of him. On the other hand – who would have financed an inexperienced sailor from virtually land-locked Lithuania to go as far as to the end of the pier?

People go to Extremes to get Money.

Columbus did as many of his countrymen before him -

he disguised himself as somebody else. And now: HIS face is on the money

4. Columbus was in an unexplainable hurry

Like most Lithuanians. No sooner had he gotten the idea of going by boat to India, did he commence his intensive lobbying of the royal courts in both Portugal and Spain. People had been pondering this problem for centuries. The American continent had remained undetected for thousands of years, yet he had to go RIGHT NOW! If BMW had been making sailing ships back then, he would have probably gotten one of those.

What the Columbus expedition might have looked like today

Full speed ahead!

5. Columbus was quick to jump to conclusions, and reluctant to change his mind

When he arrived in the new world, he quickly named the inhabitants of the East Indies “Indians”, even though they were clearly not inhabitants of India. Much like any Lithuanian would do in a similar situation, he went to his grave believing that his initial assumptions were correct. He must have had some doubts during his later expeditions, but kept them to himself, rather than to go back on his previous claims.

And his stubborn persistence bore fruit -

to this day the word "Indian" is commonly used about people of native American decent 

6. Columbus went into emigration several times, but eventually came back

Columbus made four trips to the new world, and throughout this period he was always telling everybody how great things were over there. Yet, he himself came back in the end, and died in Spain. Perhaps he had pension rights in Europe, or maybe he just didn`t like the new world too much? In true Lithuanian spirits, however, even his remains went into emigration after his death. First back to Hispaniola, which he discovered in 1492 (claiming it was India), then to Cuba in 1795, before they returned to Spain in 1898. So here is a man who manages to emigrate one final time even after he is dead. How much more Lithuanian can you get?  

Real migrants are not even stopped by death.

Perhaps it is time for Lithuania to request that the remains of Columbus be returnet to his ACTUAL homeland?  

7. Columbus was cheated out of his profits in the end

As indeed many Lithuanians abroad do. He made lots of money for his patrons, but became too greedy and was eventually cheated out of a large part of his share of the profit. He claimed 10% of the profits of the whole “America-thing”, and was of course laughed out of the royal court. But did that make him lower his demands? Certainly not! He instead wrote a book about how he and his family was entitled to this and that in terms of wealth and glory. I`m not sure how the Columbus family was compensated in the end, but if they were truly Lithuanian – they are fighting fiercely over the remains to this day.

Columbus depicted late in life.

As you can see, he is clearly displeased

From a sociological perspective, I have no doubts – Columbus was definitely Lithuanian, if not by blood the at least by nature. Ironically, his expedition also became indirectly responsible for introducing the potato in Europe (since potatos were originally introduced to Europe from America). This means that even though this former Grand Duke did let his people down at the battle of Varna, you could claim that there would have been no cepeliniai without him.

The Lithuanian national dish just got a little bit more Lithuanian.

Perhaps it is time to rename it?

Should I learn some Lithuanian before going to Lithuania?

The short answer is "no, don`t bother". People will most likely not understand you anyway, and even if they do, most of them will be laughing their asses off over your terrible pronounciation. That will probably settle the case for most people, but there are always some stubborn individuals who percist in defying both authorities and common sense once they have gotten an idea in their heads. For those pig-headed polyglots I have only one thing to say: "Have at it!". Here are a few tips along the way:

1. Speak loud and Clear. Shout if you do not find it inappropriate

Bring me some CEPELINIAIAI!!! Your hand written Samogitian menus do not scare me!

2. Have confidence. Preferably overconfidence

You need to seem convinced that you are speaking correctly, in either one language or another. Speakers of Lithuanian can smell inconfidence and interpret it as a sign of weakness. If bread is pronounced DUUUUUNA from your perspective, then stand your ground. They will eventually understand.

"KURR TOOOOALETTASS?"

Just give it some time, and people will understand.

After all, these people even manage to understand EACHOTHER.

3. Be immune to laughter

Remember that Lithuanians are not supposed to smile or be happy in public, and maintain a serious face. They too will soon remember this and stop laughing. Also remember that you willingly put yourself in this situation.

"GALLUUU HIER ZU PARKIERAMS???"

You are of course being ridiculous, but she might rather let you park on her lawn

than risk being seen laughing in a public place

4.Go with what you know (or think you know)

If you can provide a nice bouquet of words that are more or less correct for the occation, some bystander gifted in riddles will eventually figure out what you want.

Aš nori WEATHER COCK zu pirkt!!!

Anyone trying to sell this overpriced product will get you at once

5. If all else fails, switch to PR English and speak it PERFECTLY

Try using the most difficult and uncommon words that you can think of (preferrably try to channel Steven Fry). This will remind them of their own short-comings, and will usually result in a much more undertanding atmosphere. (This one actually helped me out of a traffic ticket once)

"Jevvla møkakjering so gje meg sild og ost i syltetøyglas

når eg klart å tydele har bestilt kjøtbolla. Skulla hatt i rævæ me øks"

OR:

"Dear lady, I believe that there has been a minor mix-up with regards to the orders leading up to this meal. You see, I do not so much crave herring as I am inclined towards a more meaty-type dish. And I believed that to be our mutual understanding of the situation.....hmmm? Am I much mistaken...? 

PS: Never leave a potential insult hanging, so if you think the waitress is seecretly ridiculing you in her native Sanskrit-like language while leaving your table - curse her right back in your local dialect! Insecurity works both ways.

Lithuania - the safe choice to avoid terrorism

With the world in turmoil after yet another cowardly terrorist attack against one of the most popular travel destinations of the world, the British Prime Minister now proclaims that “things have to change”. That is perhaps also the thought going through the minds of many holiday makers these days. How to stay safe while on holiday? How to avoid getting killed by terrorists while enjoying my vacation? Something must change! But what!

As luck will have it, the answer to this question is rather obvious. It is time to take control of your own risk – it is time to seek refuge in irrelevance. Terrorists are simple people, and they tend to lack imagination when it comes to picking targets. They seem to prefer larger cities in the more famous countries, such as Paris or London. You can turn this geographical ignorance to your advantage by going the other way – to the lesser known parts of Europe, like for instance Lithuania.

The land of Vytis - the unknown holiday paradise for people seeking safety

Over the years, many refugees that later turned terrorists or raised children that grew up to become terrorists, have fled to Europe. But there are however countries that not even potential terrorists bothered to flee to - and Lithuania is among them. This, in combination with the fact that Lithuania is one of the least popular tourist destinations in Europe, makes it the perfect place to go for a terrorism-free holiday.

Nothing spells safety quite lite the Lithuanian countryside

(although this photo is from a museum)

And why stop there? For maximum risk-reduction I recommend seeking out the least popular parts of the country as your destination, just to be on the safe side. Since Lithuanians themselves seem to be fleeing the countryside and flocking to the cities, I guess a nice little village would be the perfect spot. Some kind of “Kaimo turizmas”, perhaps? A nice little guest house by a quiet lake where grandma can cook you pancakes while you sip your vodka.  On the other hand, the well-renowned Russian head of state Vladimir Putin has on several occasions warned against these country-side retreats being terrorist breeding grounds (so-called "Kaimo terrorizmas"), so it might still be wise to stay alert.

The real deal - no terrorists in sight 

Putin himself actually constitutes the only military threat to the area at the moment, at least if we are to believe NATO, but this threat is probably exaggerated. After all, last time I checked there were plenty of potato fields in Russia, so there is hardly any call for an invasion. But on the odd chance that there will be one, it is probably a good idea to stay clear of the Russian tanks and rehearse the phrase “I am here as a tourist” in Russian. Most likely you will be OK. At least if you are in a village. So I guess it boils down to what kind of risk you prefer – Putin or IS.

Lithuania is every bit as full of non-muslim infidels as the rest of Europe,

yet their eastern way of life is rarely attacked.  

I personally prefer the former, and will be holidaying in the rural parts of Lithuania yet again. Where it is nice and safe. Lithuania in general has one of the most ethnically homogenous populations in Europe, and this practically makes Lithuanian villages conformity heaven. In terms of personal freedom of expression and such this can of course be a bit of a drawback, but in terms of safety it is a great advantage. People will spot anyone looking like a potential terrorist immediately and will keep a close eye on him to see if he behaves terrorist-like. And if he does, we can rest assured that he will be dealt with swiftly. Because even though most Lithuanians do not own guns, they are still well equipped with more traditional weapons such as hammers, axes, knives and pitchforks. And their skill level in handling these weapons is such that they can be expected to eliminate any terrorist threat almost momentarily.

A firm Lithuanian rural woman - ready ro respond to any threat a the drop of a hat

The rest is entirely up to you. Going to Lithuania is not completely without risk, but if you follow a few basic guidelines, like not getting stinking drunk while gambling with prostitutes and gangsters, or staying away from pedestrian crossings, you should be perfectly all right.  Because after all, the person most likely to kill you while on holiday…is YOU!

So as the renowned Slav philosopher Boris puts it: “Welcome to Lithuania – Try not to die!”

Lithuanian inventions – top ten things invented by Lithuanians

More or less every nation on earth can claim ownership to one or more inventions that have gone down in history. The Chinese invented gunpowder, the Germans invented the printing press, the Americans invented the atomic bomb, and the Scottish invented the deep-fried mars bar. Such inventions can help shape the national identity, particularly in smaller countries. Regardless of however trivial the invention might be. Just ask the Norwegians – proud providers of both the cheese slicer and the modern hand grenade - and not to mention...the paperclip!

But what do Lithuanians have to brag about when it comes to inventions and innovations? My superficial investigations have so far yielded this top-ten list:

#10: Vodka

One of the earliest inventions on this list, and perhaps also one that has played a part in the creation of some of the later inventions. Either way, it seems clear that Lithuanians invented some kind of primitive vodka a long time before anyone else, even though this is a somewhat disputed fact. But then again, whenever vodka is involved – it is not uncommon that facts become disputed.

An eternal topic - who invented vodka. Original source here.

#9: The Euthanasia coaster

In 2010, Julijonas Urbonas became the first person in the world to design a rollercoaster that would be guaranteed to kill all its passengers without harming the rollercoaster itself. Death would be not only relatively quick, but also painless and perhaps even a bit euphoric. One could suspect that such a seemingly useless device could only be thought of while under heavy influence of Lithuanian invention #10, but it seems that other people have found the concept fascinating as well. They have at least bothered to include it in both films, music and books. Then again – perhaps they were drinking too.

If your invention for some reason lacks practical purpose,
you can always call it art. Original source here.

#8: The office breathalyser

Sometimes invention can be no more than to put two already existing items together in a combination nobody has thought of before. Like for instance an electric door lock and a breathalyser, which would make the original result of an office door lock that manages to keep out employees that have a blood alcohol level of over a certain limit. It can be argued that invention by combination is easy, but if that was the case – why didn`t anyone think of this earlier?  Who knows, maybe this combination just required a Lithuanian mindset. And the same might be said for this inventions` soon-to-come counterpart: The device to fool the office breathalyser

The office breathalyser. I guess it could even be modified to work both ways -
if you for some reason want to keep sober people out. Original source here.

#7: Play pants

Basically, these are jeans with zippers at the bottoms of the front pockets, which allow for easy access to the genitals in public without people noticing. Which I am sure solves plenty of everyday problems for some people. The concealment is probably the core of the innovation here, since it is my clear perception that most people who reach for their own genitals with some motivation usually manage to find them regardless of obstacles. Unless of course they are under heavy influence of Lithuanian invention #10.

Allegedly, the idea came to the inventor after he found a hole in one of his own pockets, and eventually concluded that this actually suited his current needs and could make quite a handy feature in ordinary jeans. So, as I understand, it was sort of like Isaac Newton with his apples or an Archimedes in the bathtub type moment.

Play pants - one man had a need, and took matters into his own hands.
Original source here.

#6: The bio-reactive label

This is basically an alternative way of telling consumers whether food products are expired or not. Ever since Al Capone invented the written expiration date (yes, he actually did), this method has worked out well for most of us. However, if you are unable to read (due to blindness, illiteracy, or for that matter due to exaggerated consumption of Lithuanian invention #10) you are somewhat at a loss. At least, you used to be, before Solveiga Pakskaite invented the gelatine based “bump mark”. She also gets points for having a Lithuanized Norwegian name. Innovation clearly runs in the family in this case.

The bump mark. Original source here.

#5: The Reuben Sandwich

This is some hot rye bread sandwich that the Americans hold in high esteem. And for any person of even partial Lithuanian decent to create something that Americans hold in high esteem is quite an achievement in itself, as many a Lithuanian migrant workers to America will tell you. Particularly when the product in question is as simple as a couple of slices of bread with swiss cheese, meat, sauerkraut and dressing. One might argue that any idiot could come up with such a thing, but this particular idiot was Lithuanian. Sort of. His name Reuben Kulakofsky. Americans might react to this invention being ranked as low as #5, but Kulakofskys claim to it is after all disputed.

The Reuben - one of the great american sanwiches. Original source here.

#4: Vilnius photometric system

Out of more than 200 photometric systems currently available, it seems the Vilnius system is among the better ones. At least if you are in the business of categorizing stars. Not Hollywood type stars like the Kardashians, but rather “those distant things in the universe” type stars. Not quite sure how it works, but like so many other things we don`t understand, we can just assume it is important. Pity it can`t be used to categorize real stars, though.

Space, with its multitude of stars, can be a real pain to cathegorize.
At least without a decent photometric system. Original source here.

#3: The orbital tube welding head

Anyone who has tried to make a perfect 360-degree orbital weld will know that this is a pain in the ass. Luckily this can now be an automated process, in part thanks to Gasparas Kazlauskas. He invented the orbital tube welding head, as I am sure most people are aware, and thereby helped construct the radioisotope thermoelectric generators on NASAs spaceflights Apollo 12, 14, 15, 16, and 17. As a consequence, he made a name for himself in international welding history, alongside such people as Nikolai Nikolaevich Benardos and Russell Meredith. For his achievements, he was awarded the prestigious AIRCO welding award in both 1972 and 1973.

The welding device that links Lithuania to the moon landings. Original source here.

#2: The non-invasive cranial pressure meter

If you were to have your intracranial pressure measured, wouldn`t it be preferable do to it in a non-invasive way? I for one prefer this method to the earlier ones. Hard to find anything silly to say about this. A good piece of equipment and a medical milestone that will help save many human lives in the future. Brought to you by Arminas Ragauskas, Gediminas Daubaris and Algis Dziugys from the Health Telematics Science Institute at Kaunas University of Technology.

Arminas Ragauskas - hard at work measuring cranial pressure in a non-intrusive way.
 Original source here.

#1:  The rouble

Although most commonly associated with the lather periods of Russian or Soviet domination in the area, the rouble can infact be traced back about 1000 years in Lithuania. This was of course in the form of a primitive currency without inscriptions, but the very word rouble is said to have Lithuanian roots. The reason for that is claimed to be that the silver bars known as roubles and used for currency were melted and cut in Lithuania. The silver allegedly came from Arabic sources.

Although the first actual rouble coins were Russian (as late as 1654), it seems clear from an archeological standpoint that roubles originated from within the territory of Lithuania.

This brings us to a somewhat surprising conclusion: it seems that two of the things that most people associate with Russians – vodka and roubles – actually were invented by the Lithuanians. On the other hand – perhaps the Russians are the actual inventors of Dollars and Hamburgers?

The rouble - in its original form. Original source here.

So, to the best of my knowledge – these are the ten most famous inventions by people originating from Lithuania. Feel free to submit any candidates that have been left out in the comments.

Facts and myths about Lithuanian vodka

The first written account of the word vodka is from the mid 1800s, so despite the fact that the beverage itself probably has been around for a longer period of time, vodka in its current form is a rather recent invention. As indeed are most destilled spirits of strong potency. However, more crudely manufactured destilled beverages have a far longer history.

Home made moonshine is still made in Lithuania, particularly in the countryside, and this beverage is typically somewhat stronger than what can be bought is shops. As most homemade vodkas, its potency varies from 40 to 96 percent, depending on the manufacturers motives. Purity does however not alone make great taste, as anyone who has ever tasted 96% pure vodka will agree.

Many Lithuanians are for good reason proud of their national tradition when it comes to vodka production. Some are even so fiercly proud that they have no problems with bending the truth a bit when they fill thirsty visitors inn on their glorious national achievements in the field of vodka making. Here are some claims you are likely to hear:

Lithuanian Auksine vodka

#1 Lithuanians invented vodka

Claims to having invented a technique does however not mean that you are particularly good at it. The chinese for instance invented gunpowder hundreds of years ago, but have yet to develop a decent firearm. Since most scholars agree that the modern term vodka, which is connected to the word water, is a more recent term, the fact that the Lithuanians still use the word for burning when referring to this drink, points in the direction that they might in fact have invented some early type of vodka. Although, this is difficult to prove.

Lithuanian Bajoru vodka

#2 Lithuanian vodka is the worlds` best vodka

This might well be true, even though the entire spectre of qualities are represented in the Lithuanian vodka market - from divine drops to liquids indistinguishable from toxic waste. Speaking for my self, I can at least say that the best vodka I`ve ever had is a Lithuanian brand.  And that Lithuanian vodka is greatly underestimated in comparason to many other internationally known vodka brands. Like for instance the unexpainably popular swedish brand Absolute Vodka, which in comparason tastes more like a chemical for cleaning windows. At least they take vodka seriously in this country, and that is probably why they have so many successful brands.

In my opinion, this is the best Lithuanian vodka

#3 Lithuanians drink massive ammounts of vodka

This is undoubtable true for some, although most Lithuanians walking the streets appear rather sober to me. But there are of course exceptions. Most households do however keep a stash of vodka, since this traditional product has taken on a variety of different uses. From universal heavy-duty cleaning agent and active ingredient in home made cosmetics, to medical supply for both internal and external use. For several diseases it is in fact possible to first drink yourself into symptoms, and then cure yourself using the same vodka - But this time taken externally.

Vodka section in a Lithuanian hardware store

#4 Vodka is available all over in Lithuania

Well, if compared to western societies (and particularly my own), this claim is virtually true.
Vodka can be found in all kinds of shops, from supermarkets to gas stations and even hardware stores. And until recently it was available all night is some shops. EU legislators, however, fail to see the practical purpose of this, so the policies have been somewhat restricted in recent years. But for visitors from more restrictive countries (like Scandinavian countries) this place is still like one big duty free shop, with cheap vodka available everywhere.

Vodka in a plastic cup. Aparently, there is a market for such a product

#5 Public drunkenness is accepted in Lithuania

Just because something occurs, it does not mean that it is accepted. And besides, there is a time and place for everything. Vodka is quite common in Lithuania, but public drunkenness is not that common.  At least not if you want to be taken seriously. And as a tourist you would usually want to be taken seriously, so I recommend to avoid getting pissed in public. Observing this rule will keep you out of a lot of trouble. And PS: Even though it doesn`t seem so, the legal limit for driving under the influence is the same as in the rest of the EU.

Last tips:

• For those of you visiting Lithuania and not taking a fancy to the local vodka - have a beer. Lithuanian beer is far better than its virtually non-existant international reputation.
• For those of you who prefer vodka, have a look at my vodka test for recommendations on which vodka to choose

The Curonian spit in one day

Yes, it is possible, although not advisable. I usually recommend spending more than one day. But then again, sometimes a day is all you have.

The Curonian spit - possible to cover in a day

Assuming that Klaipeda is your base and that you are organizing the excursion yourself, you first of all need transportation. Busses not belonging to tourist parties are few and far between on the spit, so if you didn`t bring your own car you should rent one. Or a motorcycle, if there is only one or two of you.

The Ferry from Klaipeda to the Curonian spit

If driving is not an option, there is a boat route from Klaipeda to the Sea Museum which allows you to visit the northern tip of the spit on foot. This does however not allow you to visit the small fishing villages further south, as they are too far away to reach without transportation.

Set off early. Most of the people going to the Curonian spit come from further away than Klaipeda, so the busiest time on the ferry is not until later in the day. Leaving just after the morning rush in the city is perhaps a good idea. Then keep driving all the way until you reach Nida.

Nida - the place to start

In Nida you will find enough things to do to keep you entertained until it`s time for lunch. Preferably, an early lunch. Have a walk in the village itself and visit a museum or two, like for instance the Thomas Mann museum. A visit to the white dunes is also recommended, but those are outside the village so that you can do on your way back.

The Nida dunes

After walking around for a few hours, you will probably start remembering what products you need from the nearest shop to endure the rest of the day. Like water, suncream, new shoes and similar. Luckily, Nida is the only place on the Curonian spit that has a proper shop, and a visit there might be in order before having luch. The area around the pier has several good places for that purpose, and I recommend a lavish plate of herring. This is a fishing community, after all.

Traditional fishing community architecture in Nida

After dinner, it is time to leave and head north again. Check the white dunes on the way out, and the beach if you have to. Neither should take up too much of your time. The next stop is Preila, only about six kilometers away. Take a quick walk through the village, have a cup of coffe or glas beer (if someone else is driving, that is), and make a quick visit to the beach if you want to.  A visit to the beach usually has no place in a one day program, but if you are hell bent on doing so anyway you should do it in Nida if you want fine sand, or in one of the smaller villages if you want peace and quiet. I recommend the quiet beaches, like the one in Preila.

Preila beach

From Preila you head towards Pervalka, some five kilometers further north. If you`ve wasted time on the beach and is starting to feel hungry again, it`s not a bad idea to eat here. Cold beetroot soup or herring I must recommend once again. Mostly because the best herring I have ever had was served to me in a restaurant in Pervalka. Walk the streets of the village and enjoy the great view of the Curonian lagoon before it is time to get back on the road yet again.

The beach is not bad in Pervalka either

This time for a bit longer drive. About 15 kilometers further north lies the village of Juodkrantė, and there you should spend at least a couple of hours. This place also has a nice beach promenade, and in combination with the expanding sculpture park, it offers good opportunities for a scenic walk. If you are in the mood for food, this is also the place to but smoked fish, which is a local speciality. I recommend smoked eel, although they sell at outrageous prices these days. Probably because they are hard to come by legally in other countries these days.

Having smoked eel in Juodkrante

Don`t speed too much, even though everybody else does, and make sure to make a complete stop at the stop sign by the toll booth. The police here seem to be rather active these days. Also, those paying close attention will have noticed a pattern in my recommendations for the villages on the spit – you should walk through all of them. The reason for this is that walking and observing is how I think time is best spent if you only have one day to visit the Curonian spit. You want to see the place, and not waste time looking through souvenir shops and improvised museums that basically look more or less the same all over the country.

The promenade in Joudkrante

At the end of the day, if there is still time, go to the northernmost point on the spit and enjoy the view to Klaipeda. The Sea museum will probably be closed by then, but if it isn`t it is well worth a visit. If you spend the extra Euros and time on a visit to the dolphinarium, you will not regret it. Although the view is the main point, that and the realization that this is all you would have seen of the Curonian spit had you not rented that car.

What Klaipeda looks like from the tip of the spit

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you cover the entire Curonian spit in just one a day.

AirInn – the Vilnius airport hotel

What the hell happened to my favorite hotel?!? You leave your favorite hotel unattended for only a year or two, and some inconsiderate capitalists come and ruin it completely. I was recently back to my old “home away from home” in Lithuania – The Skrydis hotel. Only to discover that everything had changed, and in my opinion not to the better. All the details that made staying at this hotel an experience in itself were gone.

One thing that at least hasn`t changed is the short distance to the airport

The old name was gone and replaced with “AirInn”. Some made-up western word devoid of meaning. Why not also call it AirOut? At least that way they could have kept the two counters they had at the time when two hotels shared the same building (a somewhat typical Lithuanian phenomenon). Anyway, the national and for foreigners somewhat misplaced name “Skrydis” was better.

The Airinn lounge today - like any other hotel

The receptionist was gone. This soviet-style older woman with her reassuring uniform and lacking understanding of English nicely reminded visitors that they were indeed in Eastern Europe. Her replacements, the tanned young women with their fluent English, almost make you feel at home, and this to me is not really a big point when I go on holiday. If I had wanted to feel at home, I would have stayed at home. After all, I was already there to begin with.

They even installed a lavish fish tank

The breakfast chef, if I can call him that, was gone. My reluctance to call him a chef is connected to the fact that I somewhat doubt whether he had any formal training at all. And since I am uncertain, I might as well call him a chef. This cheeky young man would jokingly point at me with his knife before taking my order and say “I know you”, before going back to flirting with the bored waitresses and composing a breakfast plate that could insult even a fasting monk. The kitchen staff they have today probably wouldn`t even dream of any such unexpected indiscretions. They seemed mostly preoccupied with preparing food.  

And can you imagine - free Internet access. Back in the good old days we had to fight for our Internet access 

The soviet elevators were gone. These timeless contraptions that were built to last a lifetime, at a time when obesity and intimacy issues must have been rather uncommon, used to be standard in most Lithuanian hotels but are now getting rarer and rarer as the hotels become gradually more westernized. Even this hotel got rid of its old elevator with its indestructible imitated wooden panels and the narrow doorway, which clearly sends the message that: “If you are too fat to squeeze through here, you should probably take the stairs anyway”. Now they have some boring German elevator that takes you to the second floor without reminding you that you are a mere mortal creature whose life can end at any time. I guess that`s what passes for progress these days. Next time I go back I wouldn`t be surprised if the elevator even plays music.

Ever wondered wheter you really pressed the button or not?
This was not an issue in soviet elevators

And last but not least – the low prices are gone. I used to be able to stay in this hotel for 100 Litas, but now they charge virtually the same as western hotels. This is probably due to the fact that the hotel has turned into some kind of wannabe western hotel, but that does not really justify me paying more for a lesser experience. That being said, I still strongly recommend this hotel because of its unbeatable location and the fact that traffic in Vilnius can be a real bitch in the morning. But there is no longer as much of a reason to enjoy your stay as there used to be.

Some highlights from the Vilnius airport hotel, from the time when it was the best hotel deal in the city

What is wrong with you people? Why can`t you leave your cultural heritage alone?