Kaunas Airport Hotel

First of all, there is no such thing as a Kaunas Airport Hotel. I am only making this post to investigate how much of the blog traffic is generated by robots, and how much is genuine people having a look. I fear the results will be disappointing, but I will have a go anyway. Normal readers will have to bear with me. There is no such thing as a Kaunas Airport Hotel, and if anyone claims otherwise - he is a robot!




The plot on which a future small Kaunas Airport Hotel might be constructed. Or not.

You arrive at the imaginary Kaunas Airport hotel after taking a very real flight to the very real Kaunas airport. Since the hotel itself is imaginary, you need a sturdy bottle of vodka to boost the illusion of living in a hotel that isn`t really there.

 

A very real bottle of vodka. You will need one if you are to imagine an entire hotel

After sleeping a night on the imaginary bed, you might want a soothing beverage (the vodka taken into concideration). We suggest this nasty little bugger, since you are free to imagine that it tastes like nectar:

 

Airanas. Carbonated milk. The stupidest idea since oversized flase lashes.

After checking out of the Kaunas Airport Hotel, you will probably agree with us that there are no better hotels than imaginary hotels. Particularly when it comes to paying the bill. The final amount came to about one bazillion Litas, but you can clearly remember paying it all in a particularly vivid dream. How can any airport hotel beat this?

Rated: Unbeatable! (unless reviewed by actual people)

Trakai Castle

This must be the most popular tourist attraction in Lithuania, even though The Hill of Crosses probably gives it a run for its money. The reasons for this are simple, and more or less give an outline of how one creates an attraction for mass tourism:





Trakai castle. The number of visitors increased significantly after they built the wooden bridge.

1.       It is fully adapted for tourist busses, making it capable to handle many visitors at the same time

2.       it is located near the capital, where most visitors enter and leave the country

3.       It is not far from the main road between the two largest cities in the country, making it a natural place for a tour bus to stop

4.       It offers great backgrounds for photos (after all, tourists don`t want pictures of interesting objects,  but rather photos of themselves with the interesting object in the background)   

5.       There are plenty of souvenirs to buy

6.       There are plenty of places to eat

7.       The place has a history that makes it interesting

8.       You do not need to know a lot of this history in advance in order to enjoy the place




A typical example of a historical exhibit which is totally irrelevant to the average tourist, unless he himself is in the picture.  

I have visited Trakai several times, both during the tourist season and the off-season, and I find it to be a beautiful place regardless of when you visit. I do however recommend spending more time there than most people do, and leave some time for walking around and having something to eat. For that reason it is probably best to visit during summer, when all the shops and restaurants are open.



Kibinai are the thing to eat in Trakai. Allegedly invented by the Karaim people, who are now so rare that restaurants have to use cardboard cutouts of them to create an authentic atmosphere, they anyway taste delicious. As meat wrapped in dough usually does.

I also strongly recommend renting some kind of boat or kayak if you have some experience with such vessels. They will give you an opportunity to view both the city and the castle from the water, and the lake is just big enough for such activities.

 






The boat of my choice in Trakai



 

Woodworking enthusiasts should set aside the whole day for a visit to Trakai, since the city has many old and protected wooden buildings. These buildings may not be as extravagant as or lavishly decorated as those found in many other cities in Europe, but they do have some originality. You can quite often see nice decorations made with simple means.

 



Unlike many decorative features on wooden houses in the west, Trakai decorations usually do not take forever to paint. And are probably less of a pain in the ass for their owners.

 

 

And if you are lucky, and travelling by car, you stumble into Trakai on a day when the place is packed with people. Since the entire place is protected, there are strict rules when it comes to not only erecting buildings, but also creating new parking spaces. And as a result, it can be difficult to find parking spaces on busy days. But fear not, nice (but strict!) old ladies like this one will come to the rescue:




NOBODY will dare to mess with Your car if you leave it with this lady.

 

Local inhabitants, whose houses were built before the area was protected, will offer you to park in their yard for a modest fee. You agree about a price and how long you are going to stay, and you can leave the safe hands of the grandma of your choice. After paying, you should not be surprised if she also tries to sell you tomatoes or cucumbers, or offers you to rent a room for the night.

 



Pictures like this one…most visitors have them. You almost need Jesus walking past on the water to raise an eyebrow.

 

This is the kind of place that one has to visit, at least since everyone else does. Everyone comes back from Lithuania with pictures of Trakai castle. If you want to distinguish yourself from these victims of mass tourism – take time to explore the city, and show the pictures of all the interesting parts of it they did not have time to look at.  It will at least make you feel less shallow and mainstream.

 Rated: Must see

 

Bye, bye Lithuanian Litas!

With less than 24 hours to go until euros are introduced, it seems appropriate to take a moment to remember the Lithuanian national currency. For the second time in history, it is about to give way to a larger and stronger currency, but this time it is voluntary. The first time it was replaced was in 1940, when Russian occupants introduced the ruble.




It’s those aviators again. Do you think you have seen the last of them on Lithuanian money? Just wait until they have to come up with another symbol to put on a coin other than Vytis.

The transition from a national currency to euros usually seems drastic to most people, since it happens more or less overnight. In reality, the change is not that huge. The whole thing was in fact decided a long time ago, and Litas have been fixed to Euros for over a decade. It must on the contrary be considered a positive sign that the Lithuanian economy now has been found strong enough for the actual coins and notes to be introduced.

 

 

They probably chose this rather unknown man for the 200 Litas note, so that counterfeiters would have a hard time

 

Then again, people are always skeptical of new things. And in Lithuania, people skeptical to new things have up through history been proven right disturbingly often. One could name such transitions as the introduction of Christianity, the cooperation with Poland, the separation from Poland, the introduction of communism, the parting with communism…they all left sceptics with the right to say “well, It told you it would all turn to shit”. Time will tell whether they will be right this time also.

 



The man on the 100 litas note is Simonas Daukantas. If you already know who he is,
there is no need to read any further. My blog can teach you nothing that you don`t already know.

So will it go terribly wrong? Will prices rise to high heavens and people starve? Will everyone have to flee to the countryside and live off of grandmas potatoes?  If experience has taught me anything, it is that dramatic changes that are advertised in advance seldom materialize. We have such examples as Y2K, the Maya calendar Dooms Day, the first Ebola epidemic (not the second, unannounced breakout), the theoretical possibility that the Americans could lose Desert Storm, or indeed Obamas inappropriately named campaign “Change”.

 

Change we can believe in? Well, not any more.

 

So what will happen? Most likely nothing. But we do however know one thing for certain – the next time financial troubles hit Lithuania the euro is sure to be blamed. Even if it takes 100 years (although, with the luck of the Lithuanians there should be a financial crisis just around the corner).

 

 

 

 



 



Soviet elevators

As a strong supporter of unpretentious functionality, I am of course also a strong supporter of the old soviet elevators. They either perform the task they were supposed to do, or give clear indication that they are unable to do so. And they do it in a simple and uncomplicated manner. After all, are there any reason why we need so much space in an elevator? Do the doors really have to close gently in a reassuring way? Most of the time you are alone in the elevator anyway, and your primary concern is to be transported either up or down. The soviet elevator takes care of this problem and wastes little time on all the fuzzy details.




Your standard soviet elevator. If you do not fit through the door,
your should probably take the stairs. For several reasons.

Using these elevators in many ways also resembles a small visit to the amusement park, with the ride itself giving associations to a rollercoaster and the shock of the doors slamming open being somewhat similar to experiences one might have on the haunted house ride. But if these things frighten you, some comfort can be drawn from resting your eyes on the easy to clean imitated wooden panels. It is also perfectly acceptable to relive oneself of internal gas in such elevators, since many of them smell like sewage anyway. A phenomenon most probably related to the frequent sewage leaks in Lithuania, in combination with a soviet weakness for placing such drains near the elevator shafts.

 

Ever wondered wheter you pressed the button or not?
This is not an issue in soviet elevators.

In any case, these elevators offer an insight into a time when things were less complicated. When society did not have to cater to every little need, and claustrophobic people could be redirected to the staircase. I hope they never run out of spare parts for these elevators. They truly moved me.

Napoleon's Hill, Kaunas

Well, it’s a hill. And Napoleon may or may not have been here. According to legend, this is anyway the spot where L'Empereur stood and watched his army cross the Nemunas river during the 1812 campaign against Russia. A move which in many ways marked the start of the offensive that would eventually lead to his downfall.




There is a sign at the foot of the hill, and that is pretty much it. No pretentious exhibitions, no posters full of sensational claims of possible historical importance. Just a simple sign and some maple trees.

It is in many ways a good spot for an emperor with a sense of drama to witness such an event, since it gives a good view of both the river and the city. With its staggering 63 meters it is one of the highest points around. Aside from the name, there is however little on the hill that reminds of Napoleon. Visitors looking to get closer to the man himself would be better advised to go to his tomb in Paris.



More Maple trees

Those looking to get closer to his dream of concoring Russian would on the other hand greatly benefit from a visit to his hill in Kaunas. From here such a task can seem possible. Standing on a hill, overlooking an almost invincible army about to cross a seemingly mighty river.





So many maple trees in fact, that if Napoleon were to invade Russia today he would probably not choose this place as a lookout point. After all, nowadays you can hardly even see the river.  

 

According to Tolstoj, the river even proved its might at that occation. According to him, a number of polish cavalerymen lost their lives while trying to cross it at a narrow but rather dangerous bend. Only so they could later boast that they were the first unit to cross into Russia.

 

 

 

The hill from a distance

 

The hill itself seems to be the remains of an old hillfort. I am no expert in these matters, but experience has taught me that in this part of the world – if there are no other, similar hills around – you are usually dealing with a hillfort. It is anyway a beautiful place with a good (although not spectacular) view. The place is a “must see” for Napoleonic enthusiasts, and more of a “whatever” for most other people.

 Rated: “Mostly for enthusiasts”



 

 

Public toilets in Lithuania

We all need them, we all worry about them, but we never speak about them. Public toilets are a necessary evil when visiting another country. Seldom are we so clearly reminded what little separate us from wild animals as when we visit a public toilet, and seldom are we made so aware that we are but feeble and weak beings as when we really need these facilities.




The standard Lithuanian public toilet

First of all, some comforting facts. It is an undisputed fact that more than 3 million Lithuanians go to the toilet successfully every day. Most of these are not traumatized by the event, and only a very limited number need medical attention afterwards. Therefore, chances are good that you will succeed with this essential part of human existence during your stay in Lithuania. That being said, you might be faced with some surprises.  




A toilet of a more self-explanatory nature


Nowadays, mostly older public buildings have this model. The simple reason for this being that it is easy to maintain, and almost impossible to break. Thereby making the only reason to replace it that the owner wants a somewhat more elegant solution. This model does however also nicely accommodate the way that humans naturally defecate, which is a far cry from the modern day position with the knees at a 90 degree angle. Such natural behavior can by the way still be observed even in the west, at most festivals where large amounts of beer and food is served in close proximity to a wooded area. In Lithuania you do not need to look further than the Vilnius train station..




A toilet of a more improvised nature. The picture is by the way not from the Vilnius train station, but from the Kaunas botanical garden. Where I guess it only makes sense to utilize free compost.

Since I grew up in rural Norway, in a time when even out door toilets were yet not uncommon, I have no problem with this approach to relieving oneself. I do however wonder how Lithuanians intend to upgrade old-fashioned toilets so that they meet EU-requirements. These now state that public toilets should be facilitated so that they can be used also by the handicapped. Do people imagine it is enough to attach on a couple of handlebars?




The Lithuanian ban on flushing toilet paper is to such an extent a mystery that it will require a separate article

And when you visit a public toilet in Lithuania, never assume that toilet paper will be provided. If you are lucky and it is provided, I would recommend trying to steal the rest of the roll. It will give you a nice feeling of blending in.   

Ninth Fort, Kaunas

My first thought after learning about the ninth fort was “What happened to the other eight?”. When I started asking locals this question, they all replied that there are some remains, but “there is nothing to see there”. Since I have already adapted a bit of the Lithuanian way of thinking, I of course understand such a sentence as meaning, “there is something there, but you should not see it”. But such things aside. The ninth fort is both well maintained and open to the Public.

 

 

The fort was used as a prison and transit facility for Jews during the Second World War, and was thereby connected to the genocide against the European Jews.  A large number of them were also executed at the fort. The place is therefore largely a place of commemoration for the Holocaust, although the museum from the beginning focused on victims of Nazi war crimes in general. After all, the museum was founded in soviet times and the soviet authorities themselves had plenty of blood on their hand. Also Jewish and Lithuanian blood. It was probably easier to focus on the undisputed Nazi enemy. The focus of soviet memorials like this one was anyway usually not so much on the Jewish story of suffering, but rather towards the demonizing Nazi Germany and glorifying the soviet victory over that regime.

 

The place is perhaps also best suited as a more kind of general place of commemoration, rather than one mostly devoted to the Holocaust. Lithuanian wartime history is after all rather complicated, and the traditional black and white perspectives that Holocaust memorial call for are difficult to apply in this case. The fort was for instance also used to carry out crimes against Lithuanian citizens, but then by soviet authorities. First during their first occupation, then it was a transit point during the deportations, and the again as a prison during the second occupation.  

 

The museum itself is a rather traditional one, where many traditions from the soviet era still remain.  A significant proportion of the staff also seem to have survived from soviet times, and I suspect that most of the exhibitions have survived more or less intact too. You are in other words not in for many surprises, but as traditional museums go this is a rather good one. Very informative, and an interested visitor can easily spend several hours here.

 

The site also includes a vast soviet memorial in concrete, which in itself is a reason to visit the ninth fort. At least for visitors combining historical interest with a fascination for the practical sides of constructing large and elaborate concrete installations. Making stuff like this is now almost a lost art.

 

All in all, this place has much to offer, but there is still considerable potential. It should be a good candidate for EU-money.

Rated: Must see, if in the area

Weather vane museum, Juodkrantė

A cute little museum located in a fisherman’s cottage in Juodkrantė might hold a dark secret. Camouflaged as a museum dedicated to the preservation and promotion of Curonian weather vanes, this place is in fact more of a distribution point for replicas of weather vanes...

 

One of the more elaborate weathercocks in Juodkrante

…and the prices are CRAZY by Lithuanian standards, which probably is the reason why I have never seen any such devices adorning houses anywhere else in the country. In the Neringa villages however, they are everywhere. I even suspect that the weather vane suppliers are giving them away, or even forcing people to put them on their houses.

 

An abundance of weather vanes in Nida - representing a small fortune

They consist of rather simple parts and assembly should be quite easy. Why is the price so high? Why does not some enterprising young man out to make quick money start selling home made copies? Why does not some ruthless “spekulant” flood the market with inexpensive copies from China? The answer must be that they are afraid of the consequences. For once, I think I have uncovered a real conspiracy in Lithuania – The Weather Vane Network. A group of very powerful and merciless weather vane profiteers that are hell bent on keeping the prices high.

 

Another unnecesserily high concentration of weather vanes

Beeing a visitor from a northern country, I was of course interested in whether or not I could leave my weather vane (or cock, as the shop assistant insisted on calling it) outside all year around. After hard interrogations, she finally admitted that it probably would be best to keep the weather vane indoors during winter. So, at that price the weather vane can not even be installed permanently? Who mounts the roof twice a year to tend to the weather vane anyway? Visitors should notice how only western tourists buy these items.

Rated: Mostly for enthusiasts

KGB-museum, Vilnius

A KGB museum is not the type of place that most people go to with an open mind, but rather a place to which one has certain expectations. In the Vilnius KGB museum, those expectations are largely met. The museum successfully conveys the message that the KGB was an awful tool of the totalitarian soviet rule. This fits with what the visitors already knew, they are not confused by any mixed emotions or conflicting thoughts, and everybody is happy.





KGB headquarters. Or part of it, anyway.

 

The day after an airplane arrives in Vilnius from Norway, I can usually hear Norwegians talk loudly in this place. Why? Because this is one of the few tourist sites in the cities that are known to them, and that they can relate to. And from the things they say one can tell that they leave the museum with very little new knowledge. I assume that the same is the case for other nationalities as well.





  Having a wide selection of pliers were apparently important when installing bugging equipment

The museum is located along the “tourist highway” through the center of Vilnius, and this is a bit of a drawback. Having to share your museum experience with others only reduces the quality of your impressions, but it does not reduce the power of the message that the museum is trying to convey. I recommend visiting such highly popular sights during the offseason, when all the tourists that are not really interested are in Spain.




Yes, it is the actual Telephone used by the head of the Lithuanian KGB
(or his secretary)

Yes, the museum is in the actual place, and yes, it has some genuine artifacts, but there is no real wow factor. A museum like this draws visitors almost effortlessly, since it is located within the small area in the city center where most tourists go, and because it has a name that visitors can relate to. The only thing here that comes close to wow factor is the holding cell, where you can really get in touch with your claustrophobia. This is a cell that it is so small that it is impossible to lie down with your legs straightened. Sadly, there is not even a sign inviting you to take place and close the door. I would make it mandatory for everyone to sit for 10 minutes in that cell with the door actually locked. Preferably with the lights off.

 

Yes, it is the actual metal detector used by the Lithuanian KGB

 

There is one story the museum does not tell – what happened to the KGB personnel after the independence. If the KGB was so much hated that one bothers to make a museum, why not tell us a bit more about how Lithuania handled fellow Lithuanians who collaborated with the soviet authorities on various levels. Western visitors are in bad need of a reality check.

Rated: Why not take a look?

 

Pažaislis Monastery, Kaunas

Some monasteries have gone into the tourist industry in recent years, offering inexpensive lodgings to travelers willing to live with a modest standard and some basic house rules. However, this is probably not an option for the Pažaislis monastery, since rule number one in the travel industry is to make visitors feel welcome.




This is more or less it

This is one of the few tourist sights I have visited where the staff (or nuns in this case) almost made a point out of ignoring me. The first time I visited I was simply told that “we are closed. Come back some other time”. I attempted to follow this great advice, but it proved rather difficult since there was no sign announcing the opening hours anywhere near the entrance. When I eventually did return, several years later, there were still little information for tourists, but at least they let us in. So perhaps they are improving little by little.




If visitors meet a closed door, it does not help much that the door is good looking

 

Honestly, I don`t even know why it is even listed as a tourist attraction. There are some nice buildings to look at, but there is nothing to do, no exhibition to see, and nowhere to eat. At the end of the day, very few people are actually THAT interested in old buildings. Most tourists want memorable experiences, and those can be hard to find for most people at the Pažaislis monastery. The closest I came was this old well that you can throw coins into and pretend that it is a wishing well.

 



Either a wishing well, or a water Source polluted by many coins

They could at least arrange for a simple gift shop that sells tacky fridge magnets and postcards. Preferably one that can also offer you a cup of coffee at an outrageously high price. Tourists always feel more at home when people are trying to weasel money out of them. In this place, it is as if they are not even trying.

Rated: Waste of time


 

 

 

Prie Ąžuolo, Juodkrantė

One building – two separate hotels. A relatively new concept for me, but seemingly a rather common thing in Lithuania. With another example of this business model being for instance the Vilnius Airport Hotel in the times of Skrydis/Adelita. Anyhow, in Juodkrantė you can chose between the rather luxurious Azuolynas hotel (meaning something along the lines of “oak forest”), or the less expensive and not quite as luxurious Prie Ąžuolo (meaning something like “by the oak”). Both located in the same building.




Prie Ąžuolo headquarters

So at a reduced price, you get to experience what it is like to be a second rate guest. Access to the pool, breakfast table and other hotel facilities are of course available if you pay extra, but you still feel like a bit of an intruder when you hang around the lounge area without being a “proper” guest.

 

Hotel standards aside, this is the real reason why most people visit Juodkrantė.

Then again, who needs the hotel lounge? Prie Ąžuolo has their own outdoor lounge, where visitors can meet over a cold beer and barbecue well into the small hours of the night. This is also where you will be asked to wait if your room is not ready in time. We arrived at three, only to find that our Byelorussian predecessors were still in the shower. This meant waiting outside in the hot sun for an hour, where the lack of bathrooms (not belonging to Azuolynas) soon became apparent.

 

 

The Prie Ąžuolo lounge area. THE place to be in the eventings.
There is even something for the children. 

 

We were eventually invited inn, only to be directed to the upstairs bedroom of the apartment while the staff finished cleaning the downstairs rooms. When we finally could start unpacking, hours after the room was supposed to be ready, we heard a strange sound from the bathroom. This turned out to be the ceiling light, breaking away from the (plastic) ceiling.

 

Why make fuzz about such trifles?

 

But the again, you get what you pay for and such things are to be expected in this price range. The staff was polite enough and fixed the lights right away, the rooms were nice and spacious and the location is great. The beach is a short walk away and there are shops and restaurants just around the corner. The TV of course has no western channels. All in all, not a bad option. Particularly if you are visiting with small children, since the apartments have spacious bathrooms with both a washing machine and dryer.

Rating: Recommended

 

Thomas Mann`s summerhouse, Nida

I dread the thought that I should ever become so famous that people in the centuries to come turn my summerhouse into a tourist attraction. I would be downright embarrassed, and the thought alone makes me put all too much thought into what the house I live in says about my character. Or not to mention, what my summerhouse says about my character.

 

Thomas Mann`s summerhouse in Nida

Well, Thomas Mann did have a summerhouse in Lithuania for a couple of years, but was unable to return there from the early 1930s and onwards. In other words, the things that tie Thomas Mann to Lithuania are rather limited. On the other hand, there are not many buildings in the world that act as a place of remembrance to Thomas Mann. And the man clearly deserves to be remembered, even though his writings must be said to have been aimed at the educated few.

A plaque honouring the Nobel Prize winning Author who spent a couple of summers i Nida

Regardless of whether these educated few mostly seem preoccupied with discussing just to what extent his writings were riddled with flaws. If you enjoy such debates, and can handle intellectual discussions in German, I encourage you to visit Thomas Mann’s summerhouse during the festival held there each year in his honor. I guarantee that you will feel like a citizen of the world. 

 

The view from Thomas Mann`s summerhouse

Remember to bring a pipe, so that you can have your picture taken while leaning towards Thomas Mann’s fireplace in historically correct contemplation. That way, you can sparkle up later intellectual conversation by saying such things as “You know, It occurred to me once…while I was leaning towards Thomas Manns fireplace in deep thought, with the shifting dunes of the Curonian spit outside the window, that…”. Or the more everyday phrase “You know, once a visiting professor at the Thomas Mann festival in Nida gave me some very useful advice…”.

 

In case you are lost, this sign will eliminate all doubt

In other words, a place well suited for gathering cultural capital. Those looking for a deeper understanding of why Mann wrote the way he did will on the other hand most likely be disappointed. The place holds no explanation to why his books were so long, why he obsessed about Beethoven being unable to write a proper fuge, and why he could never get to the point. No more than my holiday home in Litlelindås will give visitors any deeper understanding of my personality.