Why Lithuanians don`t smile

...we are serious people here. Life is not a joke

When visiting, you will soon notice that smiling Lithuanians seem to be about as rare as unicorns. This fact is one of the bigger and unaddressed issues in Lithuania, since many Lithuanians think it is some kind of "fake news". They do smile, they just don`t do so very often. Who the first Lithuanian was to stop smiling in public is not known, but somehow it caught on. Lithuanians in public often seem to practice some kind of full-face version of the British stiff upper lip. They are not officially amused.

An artists impression of how this glorious tradition came into existence

Everybody look like they are on their way to, or just came back from, a funeral. The whole country seems to be in some kind of mourning. Not so much over a good friend, but rather some aquaintence whose death at least requires a serious face. And not only that, but a funeral that they in some part blame YOU for. And this is normal. It takes some getting used to, but that stage will eventually pass. And when it does, you will see that this is acutally not a bad way to live. You ignore the others, and they ignore you - untill someone chooses not to.

Christopher Columbus - perhaps the most famous Lithuanian to date.

And as you can see - even he knew how ko keep a straight face

So in other words - if you are a big fan of non-verbal communication, Lithuania is perhaps not the ideal holiday destination for you. It can at the very least leave you a bit confused. In the eyes of a westerner, everybody seems to communicate a kind of "fuck you" message. Even shop attendants and others that we commonly expect to try to be as helpful and forthcoming as possible. There is however no reason to be alarmed. This attitude is ferfectly common, and it is not necessarily YOU that are doing something wrong.

This gentle, old woman might come accross as a bit reserved, 

from a western perspective. But that may not be the case at all

I first suspected that this was some kind of collective public mourning, like when those Irish riverdancers started dancing with their arms straight down to commemorate the victims of the potatoe famine. Who knows, Lithuania is a significant potato producer, perhaps they were also affected by this dramatic agricultural incident?

Lithuanian version of Mona Lisa. What is she hiding behind that mysterrious smile?

Other theories included deliberately avoiding stimulation of the blood flow to the face to avoid heat loss during the cold winters, or that they were concerned with avoiding wrinkles. Both theories seemed feasable, but when it comes down to it - Lithuanian winters are not really that cold (and besides, just look at the eskimos - they seem to be smiling all the time) and even though Lithuanian women are rather preoccupied with their appearence, I doubt they have sacreficed such an alluring weapon of attraction as the smile purely on the alter of beauty.

The president of Lithuania - not moving a single facial muscle

A smiling president would of course be unthinkable

Some say the lack of smiles relate to a fear of not being taken seriously, while others explain it with some kind of heritage from soviet times. The possible explanations are many, but not conclusive. A more fruitful deductive approach might therefore be found in analyzing the groups of people that WILL smile at you in public in Lithuania, and look for a pattern. These groups include:

Drunkards, obviously

1. Drunk people
2. Crazy people. There are not many of those roaming the streets, but they can be found
3. Crazy drunk people.For some reason this seems to be a popular cobination world wide
4. Foreigners. Usually people who have just arrived, like tourists
5. Gay people. The open kind that is, of which there are not that many.
6. Retarded people. They don`t know any better
7. Drunk and crazy retarded gay foreigners. A group mainly created by assumption, but you may also be assumed to be part of that group if you go around grinning recklessly in Lithuania
8. Friends and family. This is the part that can be difficult for a visiting tourist to see, because he usually has neither when he first arrives. And because of this - NOBODY WILL SMILE TO YOU! After all, people don`t want to be taken for crazy drunk retarded foreigners, do they? They are serious, proper people.

So in other Words - the smiling situation in Lithuania will just have to be accepted "as is". This is just how they distinguish serious people from the outcasts. And if we look on the bright side: Are you feeling bad about yourself because you are not happy like everybody else? Do you feel pressured into constantly showing the world how happy you are? - Then Lithuania might just be the holliday destination for you. But be careful that you don`t enjoy it so much that it makes you smile.

When Lithuanians DO smile, it allegedly happens in situations such as this one: 

Alone in the field, while gently fondling the grain

Does this article make you concerned about the future of this misunderstood People? Not to worry! Fake american smiles will arrive with time, just as sure as western sugarlazed snacks and fast food are sure to eventually fatten the asses of the so far rather skinny Lithuanians. Just as they have done in any other liberated country to date.

Was Christopher Columbus Lithuanian? Seven reason why he COULD have been!

According to Portuguese historian Manuel Rosa, the man we know as Christopher Columbus was in fact none other than the firstborn son of Grand Duke Jogaila and his fourth wife Sofija Alšėniškė. A man who mysteriously disappeared after the Battle of Varna in 1444. Or something like that. For the long and detailed explanation see http://www.draugas.org/news/was-columbus-a-lithuanian-prince/ 

The Grand Duke of Lithuania, later also king of Poland,

and now - even alleged father of Christopher Columbus

Initially, it seemed to me as far-fetched as those theories about how the pyramids were left by aliens, or that Atlantis was an advanced post-industrial civilisation. Just about as close to fake historical news as you can get. But on the other hand – there are people out there who claim this to be true. And after all, his surname does end with "-us".  So I gave this some serious thought – did this nation of ambitious emigrants really foster the greatest emigrant of the all? Was Columbus as Lithuanian as fried black bread with cheese? Here are seven reasons why I think this myth is at least plausible:

1. Columbus had a quick and easy solution to a complicated problem

How to reach India in a quicker and less expensive way had puzzled Europeans for centuries, but he was convinced he had the answer. By boat, of course! The only drawback was that it was a bit risky. Another textbook Lithuanian approach. Even the somewhat mythical (and much later) story about the Columbus egg supports this character trait – a strong ability to not only think outside the box, but to completely disregard the box all together.

Perhaps the best proof of them all: When Columbus discovered the West Indies,

he was wearing flip-flops - the national shoe of Lithuania

2. Columbus had great ambitions, but no money

A typical Lithuanian dilemma, which Columbus solved in the traditional fashion – he borrowed as much as possible from somebody else, and gave little thought to the possibilities of failure. His expedition was in its entirety funded by Spanish Crown, and if it had ended in complete failure…well, the king and queen would not have been very happy. Then again, there are Lithuanian solutions to such problems as well.

Columbus seen borrowing Money -

in the manner viewed as most appropriate at the time

3. Columbus deliberately obscured his background

People can have individual reasons for doing this. I guess if you are a foreigner in strange lands it can sometimes make sense to do so. Lithuanian emigrants are anyway known to do this. He was never seen writing in the language he claimed as his native language. His CV in terms of sailing was suspicious to say the least. He only learned Latin late in life, and it has to date been impossible to find a contemporary picture of him. On the other hand – who would have financed an inexperienced sailor from virtually land-locked Lithuania to go as far as to the end of the pier?

People go to Extremes to get Money.

Columbus did as many of his countrymen before him -

he disguised himself as somebody else. And now: HIS face is on the money

4. Columbus was in an unexplainable hurry

Like most Lithuanians. No sooner had he gotten the idea of going by boat to India, did he commence his intensive lobbying of the royal courts in both Portugal and Spain. People had been pondering this problem for centuries. The American continent had remained undetected for thousands of years, yet he had to go RIGHT NOW! If BMW had been making sailing ships back then, he would have probably gotten one of those.

What the Columbus expedition might have looked like today

Full speed ahead!

5. Columbus was quick to jump to conclusions, and reluctant to change his mind

When he arrived in the new world, he quickly named the inhabitants of the East Indies “Indians”, even though they were clearly not inhabitants of India. Much like any Lithuanian would do in a similar situation, he went to his grave believing that his initial assumptions were correct. He must have had some doubts during his later expeditions, but kept them to himself, rather than to go back on his previous claims.

And his stubborn persistence bore fruit -

to this day the word "Indian" is commonly used about people of native American decent 

6. Columbus went into emigration several times, but eventually came back

Columbus made four trips to the new world, and throughout this period he was always telling everybody how great things were over there. Yet, he himself came back in the end, and died in Spain. Perhaps he had pension rights in Europe, or maybe he just didn`t like the new world too much? In true Lithuanian spirits, however, even his remains went into emigration after his death. First back to Hispaniola, which he discovered in 1492 (claiming it was India), then to Cuba in 1795, before they returned to Spain in 1898. So here is a man who manages to emigrate one final time even after he is dead. How much more Lithuanian can you get?  

Real migrants are not even stopped by death.

Perhaps it is time for Lithuania to request that the remains of Columbus be returnet to his ACTUAL homeland?  

7. Columbus was cheated out of his profits in the end

As indeed many Lithuanians abroad do. He made lots of money for his patrons, but became too greedy and was eventually cheated out of a large part of his share of the profit. He claimed 10% of the profits of the whole “America-thing”, and was of course laughed out of the royal court. But did that make him lower his demands? Certainly not! He instead wrote a book about how he and his family was entitled to this and that in terms of wealth and glory. I`m not sure how the Columbus family was compensated in the end, but if they were truly Lithuanian – they are fighting fiercely over the remains to this day.

Columbus depicted late in life.

As you can see, he is clearly displeased

From a sociological perspective, I have no doubts – Columbus was definitely Lithuanian, if not by blood the at least by nature. Ironically, his expedition also became indirectly responsible for introducing the potato in Europe (since potatos were originally introduced to Europe from America). This means that even though this former Grand Duke did let his people down at the battle of Varna, you could claim that there would have been no cepeliniai without him.

The Lithuanian national dish just got a little bit more Lithuanian.

Perhaps it is time to rename it?

Lithuanian inventions – top ten things invented by Lithuanians

More or less every nation on earth can claim ownership to one or more inventions that have gone down in history. The Chinese invented gunpowder, the Germans invented the printing press, the Americans invented the atomic bomb, and the Scottish invented the deep-fried mars bar. Such inventions can help shape the national identity, particularly in smaller countries. Regardless of however trivial the invention might be. Just ask the Norwegians – proud providers of both the cheese slicer and the modern hand grenade - and not to mention...the paperclip!

But what do Lithuanians have to brag about when it comes to inventions and innovations? My superficial investigations have so far yielded this top-ten list:

#10: Vodka

One of the earliest inventions on this list, and perhaps also one that has played a part in the creation of some of the later inventions. Either way, it seems clear that Lithuanians invented some kind of primitive vodka a long time before anyone else, even though this is a somewhat disputed fact. But then again, whenever vodka is involved – it is not uncommon that facts become disputed.

An eternal topic - who invented vodka. Original source here.

#9: The Euthanasia coaster

In 2010, Julijonas Urbonas became the first person in the world to design a rollercoaster that would be guaranteed to kill all its passengers without harming the rollercoaster itself. Death would be not only relatively quick, but also painless and perhaps even a bit euphoric. One could suspect that such a seemingly useless device could only be thought of while under heavy influence of Lithuanian invention #10, but it seems that other people have found the concept fascinating as well. They have at least bothered to include it in both films, music and books. Then again – perhaps they were drinking too.

If your invention for some reason lacks practical purpose,
you can always call it art. Original source here.

#8: The office breathalyser

Sometimes invention can be no more than to put two already existing items together in a combination nobody has thought of before. Like for instance an electric door lock and a breathalyser, which would make the original result of an office door lock that manages to keep out employees that have a blood alcohol level of over a certain limit. It can be argued that invention by combination is easy, but if that was the case – why didn`t anyone think of this earlier?  Who knows, maybe this combination just required a Lithuanian mindset. And the same might be said for this inventions` soon-to-come counterpart: The device to fool the office breathalyser

The office breathalyser. I guess it could even be modified to work both ways -
if you for some reason want to keep sober people out. Original source here.

#7: Play pants

Basically, these are jeans with zippers at the bottoms of the front pockets, which allow for easy access to the genitals in public without people noticing. Which I am sure solves plenty of everyday problems for some people. The concealment is probably the core of the innovation here, since it is my clear perception that most people who reach for their own genitals with some motivation usually manage to find them regardless of obstacles. Unless of course they are under heavy influence of Lithuanian invention #10.

Allegedly, the idea came to the inventor after he found a hole in one of his own pockets, and eventually concluded that this actually suited his current needs and could make quite a handy feature in ordinary jeans. So, as I understand, it was sort of like Isaac Newton with his apples or an Archimedes in the bathtub type moment.

Play pants - one man had a need, and took matters into his own hands.
Original source here.

#6: The bio-reactive label

This is basically an alternative way of telling consumers whether food products are expired or not. Ever since Al Capone invented the written expiration date (yes, he actually did), this method has worked out well for most of us. However, if you are unable to read (due to blindness, illiteracy, or for that matter due to exaggerated consumption of Lithuanian invention #10) you are somewhat at a loss. At least, you used to be, before Solveiga Pakskaite invented the gelatine based “bump mark”. She also gets points for having a Lithuanized Norwegian name. Innovation clearly runs in the family in this case.

The bump mark. Original source here.

#5: The Reuben Sandwich

This is some hot rye bread sandwich that the Americans hold in high esteem. And for any person of even partial Lithuanian decent to create something that Americans hold in high esteem is quite an achievement in itself, as many a Lithuanian migrant workers to America will tell you. Particularly when the product in question is as simple as a couple of slices of bread with swiss cheese, meat, sauerkraut and dressing. One might argue that any idiot could come up with such a thing, but this particular idiot was Lithuanian. Sort of. His name Reuben Kulakofsky. Americans might react to this invention being ranked as low as #5, but Kulakofskys claim to it is after all disputed.

The Reuben - one of the great american sanwiches. Original source here.

#4: Vilnius photometric system

Out of more than 200 photometric systems currently available, it seems the Vilnius system is among the better ones. At least if you are in the business of categorizing stars. Not Hollywood type stars like the Kardashians, but rather “those distant things in the universe” type stars. Not quite sure how it works, but like so many other things we don`t understand, we can just assume it is important. Pity it can`t be used to categorize real stars, though.

Space, with its multitude of stars, can be a real pain to cathegorize.
At least without a decent photometric system. Original source here.

#3: The orbital tube welding head

Anyone who has tried to make a perfect 360-degree orbital weld will know that this is a pain in the ass. Luckily this can now be an automated process, in part thanks to Gasparas Kazlauskas. He invented the orbital tube welding head, as I am sure most people are aware, and thereby helped construct the radioisotope thermoelectric generators on NASAs spaceflights Apollo 12, 14, 15, 16, and 17. As a consequence, he made a name for himself in international welding history, alongside such people as Nikolai Nikolaevich Benardos and Russell Meredith. For his achievements, he was awarded the prestigious AIRCO welding award in both 1972 and 1973.

The welding device that links Lithuania to the moon landings. Original source here.

#2: The non-invasive cranial pressure meter

If you were to have your intracranial pressure measured, wouldn`t it be preferable do to it in a non-invasive way? I for one prefer this method to the earlier ones. Hard to find anything silly to say about this. A good piece of equipment and a medical milestone that will help save many human lives in the future. Brought to you by Arminas Ragauskas, Gediminas Daubaris and Algis Dziugys from the Health Telematics Science Institute at Kaunas University of Technology.

Arminas Ragauskas - hard at work measuring cranial pressure in a non-intrusive way.
 Original source here.

#1:  The rouble

Although most commonly associated with the lather periods of Russian or Soviet domination in the area, the rouble can infact be traced back about 1000 years in Lithuania. This was of course in the form of a primitive currency without inscriptions, but the very word rouble is said to have Lithuanian roots. The reason for that is claimed to be that the silver bars known as roubles and used for currency were melted and cut in Lithuania. The silver allegedly came from Arabic sources.

Although the first actual rouble coins were Russian (as late as 1654), it seems clear from an archeological standpoint that roubles originated from within the territory of Lithuania.

This brings us to a somewhat surprising conclusion: it seems that two of the things that most people associate with Russians – vodka and roubles – actually were invented by the Lithuanians. On the other hand – perhaps the Russians are the actual inventors of Dollars and Hamburgers?

The rouble - in its original form. Original source here.

So, to the best of my knowledge – these are the ten most famous inventions by people originating from Lithuania. Feel free to submit any candidates that have been left out in the comments.

Facts and myths about Lithuanian vodka

The first written account of the word vodka is from the mid 1800s, so despite the fact that the beverage itself probably has been around for a longer period of time, vodka in its current form is a rather recent invention. As indeed are most destilled spirits of strong potency. However, more crudely manufactured destilled beverages have a far longer history.

Home made moonshine is still made in Lithuania, particularly in the countryside, and this beverage is typically somewhat stronger than what can be bought is shops. As most homemade vodkas, its potency varies from 40 to 96 percent, depending on the manufacturers motives. Purity does however not alone make great taste, as anyone who has ever tasted 96% pure vodka will agree.

Many Lithuanians are for good reason proud of their national tradition when it comes to vodka production. Some are even so fiercly proud that they have no problems with bending the truth a bit when they fill thirsty visitors inn on their glorious national achievements in the field of vodka making. Here are some claims you are likely to hear:

Lithuanian Auksine vodka

#1 Lithuanians invented vodka

Claims to having invented a technique does however not mean that you are particularly good at it. The chinese for instance invented gunpowder hundreds of years ago, but have yet to develop a decent firearm. Since most scholars agree that the modern term vodka, which is connected to the word water, is a more recent term, the fact that the Lithuanians still use the word for burning when referring to this drink, points in the direction that they might in fact have invented some early type of vodka. Although, this is difficult to prove.

Lithuanian Bajoru vodka

#2 Lithuanian vodka is the worlds` best vodka

This might well be true, even though the entire spectre of qualities are represented in the Lithuanian vodka market - from divine drops to liquids indistinguishable from toxic waste. Speaking for my self, I can at least say that the best vodka I`ve ever had is a Lithuanian brand.  And that Lithuanian vodka is greatly underestimated in comparason to many other internationally known vodka brands. Like for instance the unexpainably popular swedish brand Absolute Vodka, which in comparason tastes more like a chemical for cleaning windows. At least they take vodka seriously in this country, and that is probably why they have so many successful brands.

In my opinion, this is the best Lithuanian vodka

#3 Lithuanians drink massive ammounts of vodka

This is undoubtable true for some, although most Lithuanians walking the streets appear rather sober to me. But there are of course exceptions. Most households do however keep a stash of vodka, since this traditional product has taken on a variety of different uses. From universal heavy-duty cleaning agent and active ingredient in home made cosmetics, to medical supply for both internal and external use. For several diseases it is in fact possible to first drink yourself into symptoms, and then cure yourself using the same vodka - But this time taken externally.

Vodka section in a Lithuanian hardware store

#4 Vodka is available all over in Lithuania

Well, if compared to western societies (and particularly my own), this claim is virtually true.
Vodka can be found in all kinds of shops, from supermarkets to gas stations and even hardware stores. And until recently it was available all night is some shops. EU legislators, however, fail to see the practical purpose of this, so the policies have been somewhat restricted in recent years. But for visitors from more restrictive countries (like Scandinavian countries) this place is still like one big duty free shop, with cheap vodka available everywhere.

Vodka in a plastic cup. Aparently, there is a market for such a product

#5 Public drunkenness is accepted in Lithuania

Just because something occurs, it does not mean that it is accepted. And besides, there is a time and place for everything. Vodka is quite common in Lithuania, but public drunkenness is not that common.  At least not if you want to be taken seriously. And as a tourist you would usually want to be taken seriously, so I recommend to avoid getting pissed in public. Observing this rule will keep you out of a lot of trouble. And PS: Even though it doesn`t seem so, the legal limit for driving under the influence is the same as in the rest of the EU.

Last tips:

• For those of you visiting Lithuania and not taking a fancy to the local vodka - have a beer. Lithuanian beer is far better than its virtually non-existant international reputation.
• For those of you who prefer vodka, have a look at my vodka test for recommendations on which vodka to choose

DOs and DON'Ts in Lithuania

There are several DOs and DON'Ts lists around aimed at people visiting Lithuania, both online and in various books, but the quality of the information they provide seems to vary quite a bit. After reading several of these lists, I see that their advice tend to fall into four main categories:

• “Goes without saying”
• “Why on earth is this relevant for tourists?”
• “Complete dribble”
• “Useful information”

“Fellow citizens of the world; these are my humble suggestions as to what advice you should disregard when visiting Lithuania.”

I have compiled a short list of advice from all categories. Starting from the top:

#1 “Goes without saying”

“DON‘T drop litter”. I would assume that this activity is rather unpopular in most cultures. It is probably a good idea not to litter, even within the confides of your own home.


“DON'T interrupt others while they are speaking”. Most of us learned the potential value of this in kindergarten, and those of us that didn`t probably never will.


“DON`T ask a lady her age”. Well, let`s just say that if you have ever found posing such a question useful from time to time, you should probably keep doing so anyway. The rest of us already know not to.

#2 “Why on earth is this relevant for tourists?”

“DON'T give yellow chrysanthemums, as they are used for funerals”.  Seriously, when was the last time you felt the need to distribute flowers while on holiday?


“DO wait for a woman to extend her hand first”. Before what, exactly? Regardless of the answer, I can hardly think of any reason why this is more important to keep in mind when in Lithuania than anywhere else.

“DO give flowers in odd numbers, not even. Even numbers of flowers are for funeral”. Again, travel sites seem for some reason to think that tourists will develop a strong need to hand out flowers while in Lithuania. This is rarely an issue.


 “DO remove gum, pencils, cigarettes or anything else from your mouth while talking on the phone”. Tourists talking on the phone with pencils in their mouths may have been a big problem in Lithuania in the past, but the tension surrounding this seems do have eased over the years. I personally always keep pencils in my mouth while on the phone, and people are usually able to overlook this indiscretion.

#3 “Complete dribble”

“DON'T speak too loudly in Public”. Lithuanians themselves do so all the time, and I wouldn`t be surprised if testing was to reveal that they are among the loudest people in Europe. This would however give away the fact that you are a foreigner, and that is not always a good idea.


“DON'T show the bottoms of your feet. It's impolite”. Well, there is a shred of truth to this, but since most Lithuanians infact like to show their entire foot (flip flops is the national footwear), the chances of anyone actually being offended is minimal. This is not the Middle East.

“DON'T indicate that you are done eating by putting the fork and knife parallel across the right side of the plate”. Why the hell not? Who comes up with these things? Many Lithuanian restaurants don`t even give knives with their meals. Forks and spoons are considered sufficient, and where you place them afterwards rarely sparks controversy.


“DON`T consume alcohol in parks, squares and other public places – it is prohibited by Law”. So? The people most often seen doing this are the Lithuanians themselves. And enforcing this law is not really high on the priority list with the police.

#4 “Useful information:”

“DON'T smile unless you mean it. In Lithuania, smiling a lot can be seen as insincere”. There are god reasons why hardly anyone smiles on the street in Lithuania, and one of them is that nobody else does so. You would be a fool to think that you as a tourist could contribute to reintroduce public smiling, and they will see you as just that if you try to do so.


“DON'T confuse a Lithuanian with being Russian”. In many ways, this is rule number one. Despite the fact that a number of Lithuanian citizens are of Russian decent. Confusing the nationalities sort of puts the whole independence thing in an unpleasant light.


“DON‘T mix Baltic capitals”. Nations of this size know they are small and insignificant, so they don`t need reminders. So just avoid guessing, or better yet – do some reading before you visit.

Top ten signs that you are becoming a Lithuanian

Visitors staying for longer periods of time in Lithuania can be vulnerable to cultural influence, and this process can even go unnoticed if you are unaware of its symptoms. According to the collective wisdom of the Internet, and my own experiences, the top ten signs that you are turning Lithuanian are:




It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. A concept perhaps lost on most people,
but for many Lithuanians it makes perfect sense 

#1: You somehow manage to view Lithuania as both the best place on the face of the earth, and the worst place on the face of the earth – simultaneously. This is a clear sign that your mind is turning Lithuanian, particularly if you are able to argue the case of both claims at the same time.

Your typical neighborhood shop. For some reason it look better from a distance.
When considered from half a continent away, it can even seem glorious.

#2: You have developed a strange and irrational passion for basketball, and feel compelled to stay indoors whenever there is an important basketball match on TV. Even if you are not watching it, it seems unnecessary to make this fact obvious by leaving the house.

A satellite receiver with its own message to send.

#3: You have constructed a greenhouse and small vegetable garden in the back yard, and hold a holy conviction that they are yielding some of the finest produce the world has ever seen.

A typical Lithuanian greenhouse. Home of superior produce -
regardless of soil, water quality, and similar trifles

#4: You consider using seatbelts in a car a sign of weakness, and the fact that this is mandatory even for passengers in the back seats in many countries as a violation of human rights.

Real men drive real cars, and can take care of themselves in case there is an accident.
So where is the Logics in fining them for not acting like sissies and wearing seatbelts?

#5: You have a sneaking suspicion that “Do not enter” signs are aimed at you specifically, and therefore are reasons in themselves to enter and see what all the fuzz is about.

When Lithuanians see a "do not enter" sign, they of course have to see what is so important that it deserves a sign.
 Hence the path.

6#: You follow the prices of petrol closer than stockbrokers follow the stock markets, and always know where to fill up the tank without being ripped off.

Driving is fun. The sneaking suspicion that you may have slightly overpaied for fuel is not fun.

#7: For some reason, you are always running out of garlic. Despite the fact that you buy some every time you go shopping.



Garlic. One of natures' many reminders that minor things can make a big difference.

#8: During winter, you sometimes consider opening a window in order to raise the temperature in the room.

According to among others Marilyn Monroe, "Some like it hot". Lithuanians on the other hand do not. A reasonable explanation to this can be found in the Lithuanian energy prices.

#9: You are more afraid of crossing the street at a zebra crossing, than anywhere else

A Lithuanian pedestrian crossing. Where your own sense of safety quickly can become your worst enemy.

#10: When a stranger smiles at you in the street, you immediately know that something is wrong.



A good-hearted Lithuanian woman greeting visitors with a traditional friendly face.

If you already have developed several of these symptoms, it might be time to go back home for some time and rest. But I must warn that once you develop symptom #1, or what in many ways can be said to be the final stages, the condition might well be irreversible.

That thing in the horizon is mainland Lithuania. If you stay there for too long, nothing will ever be the same.

Many emigrants suffer from this condition. Having first left Lithuania because they felt it was the worst place in the world, they later develop a perception while in exile that it is also the best place in the world. Only to later return to Lithuania and once again announce that it is the worst place in the world, even though they came back because it is ACTUALLY the best place in the world. These two competing perceptions seem to be able to coexist without any problems, regardless of where the individual chooses to live.

Lithuanian licence plates

Driving around in Lithuania can bring quite a bit of amusement to people with childish humor and a keen eye for details. Not so much because of traffic itself, which is among the deadliest in Europe, but rather because of Lithuanian registration plates. Unlike in many other countries, they are equipped with three letter, which gives the opportunity of some interesting combinations:

 

Bob the Builder. Apparently he had to og to Lithuania to find work.




Almost a vanity plate. Pity the car is not pink.




This one had shopping bags in the back seat, so I Guess it was the BBC Home Service

Toyota - gamers choice




And last, but not least: God drives a Volkswagen!
 

It is obvious that Regitra either did not bother to check whether the combinations on license plates have lexical meaning in other languages, or that they just don`t care. Either way, the results are sometimes quite amusing. As a true Norwegian tourist, I am of course still looking for a car registered as KUK.