Kaunas

In many ways, this is the Lithuanian heartlands. People from Šiauliai or Panevėžys would probably disagree, since they are reputed to view themselves as more Lithuanian than most other Lithuanians, but Kaunas is still the center of the traditional Lithuanian nation. Manifested for instance by the fact that the city was used as a an improvised capital when the actual capital Vilnius, situated in a more marginal area largely populated by poles, was lost for a period of time in the turbulent years between the two world wars. In those days, Lithuanians retreated to what in many ways can be called the Lithuanian Alamo – Kaunas. Many of the more majestic buildings in the city were erected during its years as capital.

  



Kaunas old town during the Christmas holiday

 

 

 

As is so often the case, nobody knows for sure how old the city is. Local legends claim it to be almost 2000 years old, and somehow connected to Romans in exile, while others claim it was founded around 1030. In other words a difference in time of almost 1000 years. The roman connection seems a little far-fetched to me, so I am more inclined to believe the 1030-ish story. This at least, more or less, coincides with the introduction of Christianity in Scandinavia and the end of the Viking invasions, and similar reasons as to why a city would be founded it this particular place at that particular time. Kaunas would have been easy to reach with Viking vessels from the Curonian lagoon, going up the Nemunas river.




The Nemunas river. Despite being a shallow river, it would still have allowed Vikings to Reach Kaunas. Had it been there at the time

The possibility of navigating up this river is also illustrated by the fact that the Hanseatic League stretched as far as Kaunas, which in turn is the most likely explanation to why the city has a medieval sailing ship in its coat of arms. This was actually the only Lithuanian city they bothered to establish a permanent office in during their reign as merchant kings in northern Europe, so Kaunas must have been either very significant, or the other Lithuanian cities were very insignificant at the time.



After visiting the old town, you can walk back along the riverbank. Ending up in the shopping mall Akropolis, from which the picture is taken

Visitors should spend at least a couple of days in Kaunas. Walk the streets, visit the museums and shops, and have some good food in the better (but not too flashy) restaurants. A good walking route is starting at the church commonly called Soboras, walking along the avenue until you reach the old town, then going through the park, and heading back along the banks of the Nemunas. Ending up in the Akropolis mall. This will give you a diverse insight into parts of Lithuanian society.



The backside of the Kaunas old town. Some might actually prefer it to the front.

What you want to see in Kaunas depends on who you are. If you are Japanese, you would want to see the house of Sugihara, if you are French you would probably want to visit Napoleons hill. Nerds like the museum of telecommunications, and teenagers want to go shopping. If I were to suggest a place to visit for everyone, it would have to be the old town. As a part of an extensive walk around the city center. 

 



A part of the old town. Most people agree that it`s nice

Where you want to stay also depends on who you are and what preferences you have. If you are rather spoiled and inclined to complain about such everyday trifles the occasional absence of hot water, the lack of TV-channels in understandable languages or an unreliable internet connection, you should choose one of the more exclusive hotels. They keep to western standards, but you should also be prepared to pay western prices. Personally, I would go for one of the traditional or smaller hotels. The standard is quite acceptable for most people, and the money you will save will give you much more joy if spent for instance in the many restaurants in Kaunas.




You will most likely run into this man during your visit to Kaunas. Please give him something more original to hold on to than an empty paper cup

Recommended related post: Palanga

Top 5 Lithuanian celebrities that are only popular in Lithuania

There are celebrities and there are celebrities. When visiting other countries, locals sometimes expect you to know some national celebrities that are totally unknown outside their own country. This is also the case in Lithuania, and the five local boys most commonly mistaken for international celebrities are:





A Zemaitis guitar. Far more recognizable than its creator

#1 Tony Zemaitis

A very gifted guitar maker of Lithuanian descent. Many people will be familiar with his iconic guitars, but very few will recognize his name. Yet fewer are able to do so when it is pronounced in Lithuanian. Guitar enthusiasts are most likely to have heard about this man, but there are not really all that many of those. It just seems so, because many of them are fuzzy people.



Mamontovas. For some reason without Zemaitis guitar

 #2 Andrius Mamontovas

Successful Lithuanian musician. Allegedly some kind of Lithuanian counterpart to Bryan Adams, who in his more mature years has started giving concerts in some of the countries that his fans have emigrated to, like Norway. A recent example from Bergen illustrates why this has not necessarily made him a global celebrity; only one Norwegian showed up – the rest of the audience were Lithuanians. Mamontovas has sometimes also been involved in Eurovision, but that just goes to show that appearances on Eurovision does not really equal international fame.



Maironis. Priest with enough spare time to become national bard

#3 Jonas Mačiulis

Commonly called Maironis. A long since diseased priest and poet, mostly known for his nationalistic (in a good sense) poems. He has a museum devoted to him in Kaunas, which many visitors leave without a proper understanding of who this man really was. Largely because the exhibitions are based on the assumption that most visitors possess such knowledge, which the average Lithuanian does, but the average tourist don`t. So some googling is in order if you are planning a visit to that particular place.



Žemaitė. Staring at you in accusation, as you you remove the1 Litas note from your wallet 

 

#4 Julija Beniuševičiūtė-Žymantienė

Commonly known as Žemaitė. A well-known female author, who has made it as far as to the (now long gone) 1 Litas note, and an appearance on Google Doodle on the 4^th of June 2014. Not bad for a woman that has been dead for almost 100 years, but on the other hand – 100 years without publishing a single bestseller doesn`t really help the international fame of an author that had only a limited amount of such to begin with.



Tony G. Either at a poker tournament, or during a slow day at the European parliament

#5 Tony G

Chances are that you have actually heard about Tony G, but most likely you will discover that the Tony G you know is a totally different one. Tony G himself will probably confirm that such confusion is a rather common side effect of having an inconspicuous first name and a one-letter surname. In any case, the Lithuanian Tony G is an internationally recognized poker player and even a member of the European parliament.

So here you have them. If you can quietly nod your head in recognition when some of these names are mentioned, you will gain favor with many a bewildered Lithuanian patriot.

Recommended related post:  5 most famous Lithuanians

All pictures and peculiar facts are from www.wikipedia.org

5 most famous people of Lithuanian descent

Although few people can name many Lithuanian celebrities, as established by my previous post, there are some individuals of Lithuanian descent that are rather famous internationally. For some reason this heritage does not seem to be something they emphasize too much, but that doesn`t stop me from outing them as being only a couple of steps away from their native kaimas:





Bob Dylan. A well-known wearer of peculiar hats

#1: Bob Dylan

World famous for singing strange songs in odd, but yet fascinating ways. Not so famous for being a descendant of Lithuanian Jews. He is also an accomplished painter and poet, and is thereby a modern day match for the Lithuanian national hero Mikalojus Konstantinas Čiurlionis, if not for the fact that he has failed to die young. Although he seems to have tried very hard to do so.

Sean Penn. Doesn`t sound very Lithuanian

#2: Sean Penn

Actor from the US. Most famous for being Madonna’s “love of her life”, despite of being charged with abuse during their marriage. Less famous for being of Lithuanian descent on his father’s side. In recent years, he has involved himself much in political activity. After starring in the movie “Milk”, he for instance came out in support for same-sex marriages, Despite of this, I have yet to see him at the rather odd gay parade that takes place in Vilnius every three years.  








Charles Bronson during one of his more civilized appearances

#3: Charles Bronson

The tough guy from the early 80s in Hollywood, with productions like “Death Wish” and “The Dirty Dozen” under his belt. His father was Lithuanian and mother was half Lithuanian. In spite of this, it is not uncommon for people to believe him to be Asian. Perhaps because of his apparent love for sunbathing, and his modest capacity for growing facial hair.



Anthony Kiedis. Also during one of his more civilized appearances

#4: Anthony Kiedis

Red Hot Chilli Peppers vocalist. I could very much picture him driving around Lithuania in a BMW, eating cepelinai, shaking his fist at pedestrians and scaring old people. But then again, his Lithuanian ancestry is from his father’s side, so a bit of exaggerated masculinity is to be expected. Although responsible for some of the best music in the world, he is also a former drug user. Like most on this list. For some reason, none of the people on my previous list – the one about Lithuanian national celebrities – were drug users. Some sociologist will hopefully some day give me the answer to why this anomaly exists.

  

Brian Epstein. A prime example of how drugs can kill you, even if you support them very much

#5: Brian Epstein

Beatles manager. Another descendant of Lithuanian Jews. Although largely responsible for one of the largest success stories within popular music, he was also a well-known homosexual and drug user. Ironically, after allegedly being introduced to drugs by #1 on this list, contemporary singer Bob Dylan. So if Dylan ever gets a Lithuanian commemorative museum, Epstein should at least be awarded a corner of it. A flawed one, where the vititors impressions can end almost before they begin. 







First runner up: Leonard Cohen. Famous for singing about serious matters in a deep voice and speaking in zen riddles when not singing. Norwegians love him, by the way.

Recommended related post: Top 5 Lithuanian celebrities that are only popular in Lithuania 

All pictures and weird facts are of course from www.wikipedia.org

5 most famous Lithuanians

Anyone drawing this category in a televised quiz show are likely to be more than a little nervous, since most people outside of Lithuania rarely recognize even a single of the names I am about to give. I made this list mostly to entertain myself (I am after all still the most frequent reader of this blog), but it could still hold some educational value for others. And for future visitors to Lithuania – people always like it when you know someone they also know.

#1: Antanas Smetona

Once your head is on a coin, your fame is usually undisputable

Former president. Made a name for himself by being in the right place at the wrong time – more accurately, he was head of a European country at the outbreak of WW2. Despite being branded as a dictator by western historians, Lithuanians seem to love him. There is even a brand of butter named after him. I doubt the world will ever see “Obama butter” or “Merkel butter”.

 

#2: Žydrūnas Savickas

Žydrūnas lifting something heavy, while a skinnier man watches in silent reflection

International strongman. I don`t know how they rank such athletes, but this man must be among the absolute strongest. The fact that he is in second place speaks volumes about how the contense of  international television has taken a turn towards the more trivial in recent years. On the other hand – it takes a bold man to choose the strongman profession in a country that boasts the skinniest population in Europe. I can only imagine how shops overcharge him for pants and shirts.

 

#3: Vytautas Landsbergis

Landsbergis. One of few Lithuanian presidents with a name that is easy to pronounce.

Politician and former head of state. I would in fact not be surprised if many in the west believe that that he is still president of Lithuania, since he was still in office last time “anything important” happened there. This of course being the early 1990s, and yet again popular opinion can be proven wrong. Landsbergis now shares the fate of former communist colleague Mikhail Gorbachev, who also remains sincerely loved and remembered in the west, despite having been equally sincerely kicked out of office by his countrymen. And rather than being heads of state, both are now considered by many people to be heads of something completely different.

#4: Arvydas Sabonis

Another man with a name that is easy to pronounce

Some basketball player who made it big in America. Like most on this list, I have not met him personally, but I think I have met his cardboard cutout in a grocery store. I don`t question his talent, but if the scale of that thing was 1:1 I am fairly sure that his sheer height also was quite significant. In the same way that the simplicity of his surname probably made it easier for people to remember him, as opposed to other Lithuanian basketball players like Marčiulionis or Ilgauskas. This being a tip for future Lithuanian basketball playes with complicated names.

#5: Mikalojus Konstantinas Čiurlionis

A man with a name that is virtually impossible to pronounce correctly

Somewhat internationally famous painter and composer. Has his own museum in Kaunas, although not run by him personally. This man could have done well with the advice I gave under #4, since it sometimes can be difficult to make a name for yourself in the world, if most of the world’s population is unable to pronounce that very name. Some would claim that he would be #1 on this list had he been granted a longer life, while other may claim that he would not even have been on the list of he had died of old age. Nevertheless, his pictures are beautiful and his music is nice.  

That concludes the list so far. If you are famous and feel left out – please let me know, and I will consider including you.

Related post: 5 Most famous people of Lithuanian descent

All Pictures are from www.wikipedia.org

Klaipėda

Klaipėda is Lithuania’s third largest city, and the only port city in the country. Although previously known as the German Memel, it ended up on Lithuanian hands as an indirect result of the German defeat in WW1. After a long and confusing process, of course. This is after all Eastern Europe, where even recent events have shown that borders can be far from permanent. The city, as in deed Lithuania itself, changed hands again a number of times during the rest of the 1900s.



The statue of Ännchen von Tharau. Perhaps the most iconic image from Klaipėda. The original statue was allegedly removed because Hitler, while giving a speach from the veranda in the background, found it offensive that the statue was not facing him. Other dictators, with even better eventplanners, would perhaps have turned the statue around in advace.

This complicated past is the main reason for the heavy presence of Russians in this city, and the considerable influence of German culture. Above all in the old town, which seems to be rather well preserved. The old town and the city center in general are both among the most accessible sites to visit, but for those willing to venture a bit outside of the city, the maritime museum should be well worth a visit.

 



The port city of Klaipėda, seen from the location of the sea. In other words - the museum is not within walking distance

Visitors with preferences a bit out of the ordinary will probably enjoy attractions such as the blacksmith museum (which I haven`t visited yet, but intend to enjoy on general principle), or the clock museum. There is also some work going on in the ruins of the old Memel castle, and in time this will probably also be among Klaipeda’s main attractions, but when I visited there was not much to see.  



Meridianas. Klaipėda has one large sailing ship - this is it, and most of the time it does not seem to be sailing at all.

The city in general appears rather modern, and it seems the local economy is going rather well. At least if one judges by the many new, and often surprisingly tall, buildings. Property prices are also quite high in comparison to other cities in the region, and these things add to the impression of Klaipeda being a dynamic place. Like most port cities, it seems to be facing the outside world, rather than having its attention elsewhere.



One of the more innovative parts of the Klaipedian skyline.

Klaipeda is on the other hand a rather small city, and there is not really that much to see. Still it is well worth a visit, at least for a day. But make sure to come in summer. I visited in winter and it was cold as hell. Then again, few cities are charming enough to not look a bit depressive in winter.

Recommended related posts: The nearby "city" of Neringa

Neringa

This narrow strip of land just outside of Klaipeda is for some technical reason regarded as a city, in spite of only consisting of a small string of communities that can barely qualify as villages. Nevertheless, Neringa still deserves to be recognized by travelers as one of the more desirable places to visit in Lithuania.



A normal day at the beach in Neringa. Compared to the nearby beach of Palanga, the difference is striking.

With sand dunes in one end, the Lithuanian sea museum in the other end, and plenty of beaches and villages in between, the relaxed traveler can easily fill a week in this place. Starting from the south, the main villages are Nida, Preila, Pervalka, Juodkrantė. Although they are all worth a visit, Nida and Juodkrantė are the most significant ones.




Neringa has a lot to offer. There is even a nudist beach, for those who have a need to show the world how liberated they are. Why the People on the sign are dressed remains a mystery. It`s probably from soviet times.



 

My recommendation is the village of Joudkrante. It has good accommodations, and there is a bit of activity in the evenings. Nida has a more active nightlife and more activities going on, but I have never understood why people who seek such fuzz even bother to go to Neringa. I guess it is some sort of a more exclusive alternative to Palanga for people with a bit more money.

 



Nida harbour. Not exacly Curonian traditional architecture, but still the most popular place on the penninsula.

Since this is a bit of an exclusive area, it is also rather safe. It is an expensive area to live in, so common criminals can`t afford to do so, and the price to enter the peninsula is so outrageous that most of them probably stay out. In Neringa it is instead the state that is robbing you, but in turn it robs everyone. Access to the peninsula is by ferry, unless of course you come from the Russian side through Kaliningrad, there is only one road and it has a checkpoint - so they will get you.



One of the two ferries taking people to Neringa. Remember to feed the (by Norwegian standards) ridiculously small seagulls on the short trip across the sound.

Originally a fishing community, Neringa used to be a quiet place that attracted few visitors. More or less impoverished fishermen would trap eels or trawl for other fish in the Curonian lagoon, or try their luck on the more open waters of the Baltic. The population consisted of mostly migrated Germans and the native Kuršininkai, both of which were evicted from the area following WW2.





There is still some Professional Fishing taking Place in Neringa, but todays vessels are largely older soviet motorized vessels. In many ways a far cry from traditional fishing in the area. 

After that, the area became a place of recreation for official from the communist party, and this tradition was continued after the Lithuanian return to independence. The place is still a holiday destination for the more privileged, but those are now people with money rather than party officials. And luckily for us, foreigner are now welcome.  Even Germans in fact, and many take the opportunity to visit the home of their ancestral lands. And since Germans are known to have I bit of money, I guess there are good reasons for the propertyprices being outrageous in this area.




A restaurant in Juodkrantė. If it was for sale, the asking price would surprise even the most optimistic property developers.

 

Russians also seem to love spending time in Neringa, or perhaps they just like the fact that people who go there have a bit of money. There are at least quite a few of them around, even among locals. Despite the fact that there are no long traditions for Russian settlements in the area. The traditional way of life which is celebrated here, in form of for instance smoked eel, Curonian boats, weathervanes and such, all relates to the ethnic Germans or the Kuršininkai.

 

A modern boat, made to look like the traditional Curonian boats

The Germans were all evicted, and from the entire group of ethnic Kuršininkai there is said to be only nine people left alive. This raises a few questions about the celebration of Neringas old traditions – who owns them, and who does the territory of Neringa rightfully belong to? The nine  Kuršininkai? The descendants of the now largely diseased German population, who have hardly even set foot in the place? My best answers would be that the land technically belongs to Lithuania. Any other solutions does not seem practically possible. The traditions however belong to the world, as indeed has been recognized by the granting of UNESCO status to the entire area some years back.  

UNESCO monument in Juodkrantė

 Recommended related post: Palanga

Palanga

Although Lithuania has a rather modest shoreline, this is where the action takes place in summer. Mostly in the city of Palanga. There are even places for people who don`t want any action, but those are more secluded and a bit more up market. Being the number one resort city (in the more common understanding of the Word, that is) of Lithuania, Palanga is the place to go for people who want the BEACH. People, parties, hustle and bustle included.




Palanga beach. With seemingly clear, blue water, despite the apparent absence of restrooms. 

Since Lithuania’s coastline is a sandy beach from one end to another, one can easily pitch a tent in some remote location and find solitude. If on the other hand you want the infrastructure of a resort city, Palanga is where you want to go. Here there are food, drinks, entertainment, shopping opportunities, spa treatments and the like. Along with a mix noisy children, drunk men and fuzzy women - confined in an owecrowded area.




Probably the most popular Beach in Lithuania. You rather need to be a "people-person" to enjoy this type of thing. At least there are plenty of "Cold cebureks and warm alus" at hand.

 

The main cultural attraction in Palanga is the Tiškevičiai Palace, which is home to both an amber museum and a rose garden. Neither of which are, in all honesty, particularly interesting to the common tourist. The rose garden now shamelessly claims to be a botanical garden, despite not not having much other botanical material on display than the roses, and the amber museum fails in even convincing visitors that amber is so remarkable that it deserves a separate museum. Most vistiors just end up taking a picture outside. With the nice statue that is not related to either of the museums.



The castle in Palanga. Despite being a horrific example of social injustice, it survived soviet times.
Nowadays, it should be quite safe.

The heart of the city is a main street, which ends in a nice pier. If I recall correctly, its name is Basanavičius street. It is filled with all kinds of restaurants and shops, and in combination with the nearby beach it is all you will ever need. For a careless visit, just book a hotel within walking distance, and enjoy yourself. Cepelins, vodka, and the beach is all within an arm’s length. What more can the common visitor desire?




No such resort would be complete without a pier.

If you like people more than nature, this is the place for you. If your preferences are opposite, you will be better off elsewhere. For instance somewhere in Neringa. 

Five frequently asked questions about travelling to Lithuania

After writing about this topic for some time now, I see that the there are certain topics people take greater interest in than others. After a year of half-assed blogging about Lithuania, the time therefore seems to be ripe for a FAQ-post. Here are the five most frequently asked questions:

1. Is it safe in Lithuania?

The short answer is yes. Compared to most countries it is very safe for foreigners here, unless you behave like an idiot. In other words, one should take the same precautions here as in the rest of Eastern Europe. If a holiday for you is not complete without getting drunk and behaving like an idiot, the safest places for doing so is the hotel bar or the more expensive nightclubs. Although there are a considerable number of criminals in Lithuania, they seem to rarely target foreigners. Those who do probably emigrated to where the foreigners live. Most of the people you will meet are honest and peaceful. On the other hand, if you are black, homosexual or in other ways not exactly the not a poster boy for the local, traditional way of life - avoid making this fact too apparent. After all, this is still a society with largely traditional values. The again, us often disliked minority groups know how to become invisible if we have to. Don`t ask me how I know. When in Lithuania I try to blend in, and I know I have succeeded when locals start asking me directions.

2. Can you drink the water in Lithuania?

Of course you can. What happens to you later, on the other hand can be more of an open question. Most Lithuanians boil their water before using it, and even then, it is mostly used for cooking. Drinking water is commonly store bought by those who can afford it, most likely because of the taste. The strongest indication of this assumption being true is that most people seem to brush their teeth with tap water. This would probably not be the case if tap water was considered toxic waste. In some areas, tap water might even for all I know be perfectly clean. There are many clean lakes in the country, and any water coming from those can`t possibly be any worse than what can be found even in my own home country. But for your own peace of mind, you are probably best of buying bottled water.

3. Is it safe to drive in Lithuania?

No, it is not. Driving is not safe anywhere, neither for you nor your car. On the other hand, when in Lithuania, your car is probably more at risk than you are. At least if you travel a bit off the beaten path. If you do, you will discover that side roads in Lithuania are exactly that – beaten paths. If traveling for a long times on such gravel roads, particularly your suspension will suffer significantly. You on the other hand will be quite safe, since the speed on these roads are quite modest. Most people who die in Lithuanian traffic do so on paved roads, with high speed and drunk driving being the reason for the accident. The average speeds on these roads are however not very high, since many of them are riddled with potholes, so if you can avoid the occasional oncoming drunk and/or speeding motorist, you will most likely be OK. Compared to for instance Poland, driving in Lithuanian is a dream.

4. What are the most important cities to visit in Lithuania?

That depends on how much time you have available. If you have only the weekend, you are best off with just Vilnius, but you will still be nowhere near of having “done the city” when Sunday comes. If you have a week, you should spread out, with visits also to both Kaunas and the seaside. At the coast, you should see either Palanga or Klaipeda, or perhaps even both if you are the restless type. If on the other hand you are visiting Lithuania to relax and enjoy life, you should spend much time in places like Neringa or Druskininkai. Others, who might have special interests, should go directly to where the sites they want to visit are located. This could take them to cities such as Šiauliai or Panevėžys, which can be interesting enough in themselves, but are not commonly recommended, for travelers with a limited amount of time at their disposal.

5. Can you flush toilet paper in Lithuania

Yes, of course you can. Whether you should is a different matter. Most public (and for that matter private) toilets in Lithuania are equipped with a small basket next to it, intended for the disposal of toilet paper. Us western visitors, who have long since forgotten that we are only a few generations away from the times when our ancestors were wiping their asses with purpose made twigs and suitable leaves, quite often find this practice revolting. We are so accustomed to the “fire and forget” concept of flushing toilet paper and pretending that nothing has happened that many feel the need to ignore the local custom of collecting it in a bin. The reasons for which, I must admit, still remains elusive to me. The potential damages of ignoring it, on the other hand, strongly suggests that one uses the bin. At least if you are staying in the same hotel for a long time. If for a whole week, you deposit no paper there, and the pipes get clogged – you will be the most likely suspect. So to stay safe and in the clear, I suggest following the example of the locals. However nasty you may find this practice; they are at least used to it.

Recommended related post: How to pack for Lithuania

The elusive catacombs of Kaunas

The very word catacombs has a somewhat appealing effect on many people, myself included. They are usually associated with both secret activities and hidden treasures, although perhaps more correctly defined as “human-made subterranean passageways for religious practice, commonly used as burial grounds”. That description might not spell tourist attraction to most people, but then again – tourists in Lithuania do to tend to descend on the country’s many churches. Which must be said to be the above ground alternative of a catacomb. So one could assume that in the catacombs, you would get the same experience, the only difference being that you are deprived of lighting and placed in a confined space under ground.  Being a tourist seeking the unusual, even if this also sometimes means the impractical, I was of course interested.




From the outside it is an impressive church, which fuels the optimism regarding the alleged catacombs beneath



In a country that by Scandinavian standards is flat as a pancake, and where the ground water seems only to be a few shovel throws away, the very idea of creating catacombs seems rather futile. I was therefore pleasantly surprised when wikitravel.org could reveal the existence of catacombs beneath the Church of St. Michael the Archangel in Kaunas. The large and impractical building commonly known as Soboras at the southern end of Laisves Avenue. My first attempts at entering the catacombs started in 2007.

 

As one can see, not the most staggering of interiors. All white walls do not really spell success as a background on Instagram.

At first, I was completely unsuccessful, since none of the locals I talked to had ever heard about such catacombs. They probably thought I was confused. During later visits, I made sporadic attempts at entering the building, but always found it closed. Since this is more of a local religious institution, rather than a tourist sight, it caters mostly to worshipers. And they, as we know, like to keep awkward opening hours. Eventually, during the winter of 2011, I was able to gain access during mass for the first time. Only to be told by the staff that they “had never heard of any catacombs”.



Beneath this colossal pile of bricks lays the elusive catacombs. I will enter then one day, and by God I will examine them. Whether they be even remotely interesting or not! And no distracted doorman will get in my way.

I went home to check my sources, and after confirming the existence of the catacombs, I returned the following week. Then there was a billboard advertising a tour of the catacombs, but the man at the door still replied to my request to see them with “why?” and “there is nothing to see”. And the more explanatory “there is only darkness”. Having other things on my agenda that day, I allowed myself to be persuaded by that useless answer. But like a certain pokerfaced Austrian in a leather jacket – I will be back. And I will find out what they are hiding, because if I have learned anything from visiting Lithuania frequently it is this: When they say “There is nothing to see” they really mean “There is something to see, but we for some reason do not want to show it to you”.

 

(Once again, all pictures are from www.wikipedia.org, awaiting the relocation of my own photos)

The geographical center of Europe

 

Many years ago, tour bus drivers in Norway decided that they needed a suitable stop for tourists between the two main attractions of Bergen and Flåm. Accoring to legend, they decided to start misinforming tourists that the waterfall Twindefossen carried water with qualities similar to those found in Viagra pills. The results were immediate (results from the misinforming rumor, that is, not from the water itself). Tourists willingly flocked to the waterfall, filling whatever vessels were at hand with its alleged miracle water. Tvindefossen is in fact a shining example of how an attraction for tour busses can be created out of almost nothing. Lithuanians have attempted a similar trick, and I am honored to present you with…”The geographical center of Europe” – The Lithuanian version.



A rather panegyric claim to be the center of something which apparently is nowhere to be seen – Europe. And most villagers should hope that it stays that way  

How anyone in their right mind can claim to have found the center of something with disputed and largely undefinable outer limits is beyond me, but such trifles did not stop a bunch of French scientists in the late 1980s. They proudly claimed to have located the center of Europe, and surprisingly enough it was nowhere near what most of us refer to as “Central Europe”. Against all common beliefs, it proved to be somewhere called Bernotai, outside of Vilnius. Luckily enough, it was close to both a road and the village itself. Quite a coincidence, since most random spots in Lithuania are close to neither. The French scientists could have ended up in the middle of the forest, but didn`t even miss proximity to the road.

 

In all respects, the most likely geographical center of Europe would look something like this

Other pioneers across Europe have also remained undeterred by the fact that stipulating the center of Europe is utter nonsense, and have presented their own calculations. Most of them resulting in finding this center remarkably close to home. Often in their hometown. The consequence of this phenomenon is that the geographical center of Europe today can be visited in over 10 countries and at more than 20 different locations.



One of the many geograpfical centers of Europe which tourists have long since forgotten about.
This one can be found in Germany, also mysteriously close to the road

The reason for all of this confusion is of course that there are many ways of calculating where the geographical center of Europe is. So many in fact, that I have even succeeded in coming up with a way of my own, and in not very long I expect to be able to prove that the geographical center of, not only Europe but also the world, is in fact located in the very middle of the Lithuanian village of Naujatriobiai. Where, as luck will have it, an old soviet well gives water with qualities not unlike those found in Viagra.



Naujatriobiai. The center of the world, and home of the "water of life"
 

(All pictures are courtesy of Wikipedia Commons, since I was either lacking a camera or good judgment when the locations depicted)