Top ten signs that you are becoming a Lithuanian

Visitors staying for longer periods of time in Lithuania can be vulnerable to cultural influence, and this process can even go unnoticed if you are unaware of its symptoms. According to the collective wisdom of the Internet, and my own experiences, the top ten signs that you are turning Lithuanian are:




It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. A concept perhaps lost on most people,
but for many Lithuanians it makes perfect sense 

#1: You somehow manage to view Lithuania as both the best place on the face of the earth, and the worst place on the face of the earth – simultaneously. This is a clear sign that your mind is turning Lithuanian, particularly if you are able to argue the case of both claims at the same time.

Your typical neighborhood shop. For some reason it look better from a distance.
When considered from half a continent away, it can even seem glorious.

#2: You have developed a strange and irrational passion for basketball, and feel compelled to stay indoors whenever there is an important basketball match on TV. Even if you are not watching it, it seems unnecessary to make this fact obvious by leaving the house.

A satellite receiver with its own message to send.

#3: You have constructed a greenhouse and small vegetable garden in the back yard, and hold a holy conviction that they are yielding some of the finest produce the world has ever seen.

A typical Lithuanian greenhouse. Home of superior produce -
regardless of soil, water quality, and similar trifles

#4: You consider using seatbelts in a car a sign of weakness, and the fact that this is mandatory even for passengers in the back seats in many countries as a violation of human rights.

Real men drive real cars, and can take care of themselves in case there is an accident.
So where is the Logics in fining them for not acting like sissies and wearing seatbelts?

#5: You have a sneaking suspicion that “Do not enter” signs are aimed at you specifically, and therefore are reasons in themselves to enter and see what all the fuzz is about.

When Lithuanians see a "do not enter" sign, they of course have to see what is so important that it deserves a sign.
 Hence the path.

6#: You follow the prices of petrol closer than stockbrokers follow the stock markets, and always know where to fill up the tank without being ripped off.

Driving is fun. The sneaking suspicion that you may have slightly overpaied for fuel is not fun.

#7: For some reason, you are always running out of garlic. Despite the fact that you buy some every time you go shopping.



Garlic. One of natures' many reminders that minor things can make a big difference.

#8: During winter, you sometimes consider opening a window in order to raise the temperature in the room.

According to among others Marilyn Monroe, "Some like it hot". Lithuanians on the other hand do not. A reasonable explanation to this can be found in the Lithuanian energy prices.

#9: You are more afraid of crossing the street at a zebra crossing, than anywhere else

A Lithuanian pedestrian crossing. Where your own sense of safety quickly can become your worst enemy.

#10: When a stranger smiles at you in the street, you immediately know that something is wrong.



A good-hearted Lithuanian woman greeting visitors with a traditional friendly face.

If you already have developed several of these symptoms, it might be time to go back home for some time and rest. But I must warn that once you develop symptom #1, or what in many ways can be said to be the final stages, the condition might well be irreversible.

That thing in the horizon is mainland Lithuania. If you stay there for too long, nothing will ever be the same.

Many emigrants suffer from this condition. Having first left Lithuania because they felt it was the worst place in the world, they later develop a perception while in exile that it is also the best place in the world. Only to later return to Lithuania and once again announce that it is the worst place in the world, even though they came back because it is ACTUALLY the best place in the world. These two competing perceptions seem to be able to coexist without any problems, regardless of where the individual chooses to live.