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| The Palanga pier. The place to be in summer for successful people. |
#1 Eat cepelinai in one of the restaurants in Basanavičiaus street in Palanga
...drive a brand new BMW to the end of the pier and have a swim
in the Baltic sea. Make sure you successfully bribe any police officers that try to
disturb you. Then go back to the restaurant, pay the band to play only your
requests all night and keep drinking Lithuanian vodka until you can safely pass
out in your bed at one of the luxury hotels. Still wearing your expensive
tracksuit, with the zipper casually pulled down to expose your golden chain
dandling elegantly above your black tank top, and your plastic slippers. You
can the later wake up knowing that you have just lived the Lithuanian dream –
at least the male version of it.
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| Vilnius TV-Tower. It is quite tall enough for most people. |
#2: Take the elevator up to the top of the Vilnius TV-tower
...wait for an agonizing 30 seconds until the elevator has stopped bobbing up and
down, and enter the rotating restaurant. Have a cup of coffee and some cake
while you enjoy the undisputed best view of the city, and send give some
thought to the workers who, according to legend, had to be issued special
rations of vodka to be able to do construction work at such altitudes.
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| A budget hotel room. A stay in one of these during winter can lead to many fruitful reflections. |
#3: Freeze your ass off in a budget hotel
...with most of the
lights off, while drinking Lithuanian vodka and flicking through the Lithuanian
and Russian TV channels. All while hoping that tomorrows hot shower will hold a
temperature of at least 25 degrees and reminding yourself that you can afford
to stay at decent hotels if you want to.
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| The swans of Trakai. Ready to trade attention for breadcrumbs on short notice |
#4: Paddle around the Trakai castle
Bring some bags of
breadcrumbs to make friends with the swans, and you will have a majestic escort
for the entire voyage. Trakai is one of the most popular tourist sites in
Lithuania, so it is quite likely that that you have friends or colleagues that
have been there. But only you swam with the swans. (the Lithuanian word for
swimming is the same as the ones used to describe how a boat moves through
water, so yes – you really did “swim” with the swans).
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| A typical soviet dinner plate - as it is recreated at Grutas Park |
#5: Go to Grutas Park
...and see some of the old communist
statues that used to adorn Lithuanian cities, and get a visual impression of
what life was like during the communist years. All while educational music or
propaganda is being shouted at you from speakers mounted on (rather poorly)
reconstructed guard towers. At Grutas Park, you even have a chance to address the local soviet
in the reconstructed assembly hall, complete with speakers stand, voting booth
and everything. Afterwards, you can enjoy a nice communist dinner at the local
diner. My personal favorite.
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| Parts of it might look a bit like the basement of your crazy uncle, but this place was actually capable of destroying four major cities |
#6: Go stand in the place of evil
Visit the Plokstine missile base and stand in the actual place where the missile aimed at one of Europe’s
largest cities were once ready to launch. See the primitive guiding systems,
and contemplate how easy it in fact can be to kill lots of innocent people with
relatively simple means. Any well reflected human being should leave this place
with a reduced interest in war history.
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| What does Baltimore and Vilnius have in common? Well, at least they have Frank Zappa. |
#7: Have a cigarette while leaning against the monument in over Frank Zappa,
and meditate on how millions of smart people smoke every
day despite being well aware that it will eventually kill them. Like it perhaps
also killed Zappa, whose head (not the actual one) now rests on top of a
cigarette-shaped stainless steel post in Vilnius. For a long time the only Zappa
monument in the world, until someone ruined everything by making a second one.
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| Hill of crosses. Unfortunately, I can`t find my own pictures from when I visited, so I had to resort to wikipedia. |
#8: Visit the hill of crosses
Yes, everyone goes, and yes,
it is just a pile of crosses in the middle of nowhere, but have you ever
considered how odd this place really is? A bunch of people simply decided to
start putting similarly looking objects in the same place, and after some time
it really took off. Makes you wonder if there could ever be such a thing as
“the hill of old cell phones” or “hill of abandoned sofas”. After all, Oslo already has its “hill of
redundant baby pacifiers”.
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| Thomas Mann’s summerhouse. Where he hardly spent any time at all |
#9: Go to Neringa and have a picnic outside Thomas Mann’s summerhouse
Eat some locally smoked (and globally endangered) eel, drink
some kvass and contemplate the complexity of life. Like for instance, how
ironic it is that this Nobel laureate was denied access to his summerhouse by
both Hitler and Stalin, although at different times and for different reasons.
All while you thoughtfully gaze at the muddy waters of the Curonian lagoon.
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| Lithuanian bread served in a creative way |
#10: Have some bread
Lithuanian bread is reputed to be the
best in the world, at least in Lithuania, and there is quite a bit of truth to
this. The very filling, dark rye bread is rich in flavor, and can be enjoyed in
various ways. Either traditionally (along with a little Lašinukas and some
onion), creatively (you can for instance have soup served in it), or irresponsibly
(fried in plenty of oil, and served with melted cheese). The latter variant is
sometimes also known as Lithuanian nachos.
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| Lašinukas. Goes well with bread |
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| Lithuanian nachos |
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